Laughter, the Best Medicine

THE BEST MEDICINE

WEIGHT FOR IT…

A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. “Ha! That’s not going to help,” she said.

“Sure it does,” he shot back. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”

Seen online

ADVANCED SNOOZING

My brother was trying to awaken his son for school one day, but the boy wouldn’t budge. “Gimme a minute,” he said. “I’m watching previews for tomorrow’s dream.”

SUBMITTED BY KIMBERLEE WOODWARD

ANGRY ACTIVIST

Sue went to university and joined an animal-rights group. When she returned home, she was shocked to find her mother wearing a pricey fur coat.

“Don’t you realise some poor, defenceless animal had to suffer for you to get that coat?” Sue asked her mother, impassioned.

“Don’t talk about your father like that again!” came the reply.

SUBMITTED BY CATHERINE HISCOX

Instagram is just Twitter for people who go outside.

@JOSHGONDELMAN

COURTROOM CLASH

A defendant isn’t happy with how things are going in court, so he gives the judge a hard time. Judge: “Where do you work?” Defendant: “Here and there.” Judge: “What do you do for a living?” Defendant: “This and that.” Judge: “Take him away.” Defendant: “Wait, when will I get out?” Judge: “Sooner or later.”

SUBMITTED BY PAT FERRY

PARKING PROBLEMS

Caught up running errands, my mum’s friend forgot where she’d parked. A police officer, noticing her agitation, asked, “Is something wrong?” “I can’t find my car,” she explained. “What kind is it?” She gave the helpful police officer a quizzical look. “Name some.”

SUBMITTED BY JACKSON HALL