What a Bloomer!

A colleague received some flowers accompanied by a card that simply said, “No”.

She spent the entire morning trying to figure out what her husband had meant by this cryptic message. Eventually she gave up and called him.

“When I was on the phone to the florist,” he told her, “she asked me if I had a message and I said, ‘No’.” SUBMITTED BY GINETTE HUGHES

MUM’S THE WORD

My very attractive 20-year-old PA came into my office, sat on the edge of my desk and asked if it was true that my girlfriend and I had split up.

When I confirmed it, she smiled and asked if I was ready to start seeing anyone else.

As a 38-year-old male, my ego was doing somersaults, but I questioned whether a relationship would be appropriate and I let her down gently by saying that it was too soon for me to be involved with someone again. She smiled and said, “That’s a pity – you’d be just right for my mum.” SUBMITTED BY ROB LLOYD

PARK AT YOUR OWN RISK

There is a lot of competition for parking at the local dental office, hence the sign: “Dental office parking only. Violators will be extracted.” SUBMITTED BY HELEN MCNAIR

FOWL PLAY

While teaching at a veterinary college, I ordered books for our

library. One was George Orwell’s Animal Farm. When I went to take it out, I found that the librarian had placed it in the section for dairy and poultry. SUBMITTED BY JACOB CHEERAN

MISTAKEN IDENTITY

As a Brit working in the US during the early 1990s, I met several Americans who “just loved” my accent.

I was particularly tickled by one young woman who complimented me – when I informed her that I came from Scotland – with, “Wow, your English is really good!” SUBMITTED BY MARY MCPHAIL

NO ILL FEELING

After a week off with ‘man flu’, I returned to work.

On my first day back, one girl complained that she was unwell.

“Oh dear,” I said. “I hope it’s nothing I’ve given you.”

“So do I,” she replied. “It’s morning sickness!” SUBMITTED BY GORDON WALLACE