Laughter, the Best Medicine
I DON’T PUNDERSTAND YOU
A friend and I were enjoying a coffee at our local restaurant when an acquaintance stopped at our table and said, “Hi, Ken. Can I join you?”
“Why, am I falling apart?” I replied. SUBMITTED BY KEN MACKAY
IN THE BAG
An exercise for people who are out of shape: begin with a 5 kg potato bag in each hand. Extend your arms straight out from your sides, hold them there for a full minute, and then relax. After a few weeks, move up to 10 kg potato bags. Then try 50 kg potato bags, and eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100 kg potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.
Once you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag. SUBMITTED BY BEVERLY GROSS
PRELOVED GOODS
I have a friend who’s so into recycling that she won’t consider marrying a man unless he’s been married before. COMEDIAN RITA RUDNER
IF THE CAP FITS…
Q: Why don’t mountains get cold in the winter? A: They wear snowcaps. Source: funology.com
BEARING UP
I wish I knew who kicked the jack out from under the car I was working on. The suspension is killing me. SUBMITTED BY STEPHEN HUGHES
OH DEER
Prince Philip looks out the palace window on Christmas Eve. “That’s some reindeer,” he says.
Queen Elizabeth II replies, “Sixty-three years. Yes, that is a lot.” Source: express.co.uk
IN GOOD HANDS
Q: How often should you wear gloves in the winter? A: Intermittenly. Source: reddit.com
DRESSED TO KILL
Jennifer’s wedding day was fast approaching and she was horrified to learn that her mother had bought the exact same dress for the wedding as her father’s young new wife. Jennifer implored her stepmother to exchange hers, but she refused. So Jennifer’s mother agreed to buy a different dress for the wedding.
“Are you going to return the other dress?” Jennifer asked. “You really don’t have another occasion where you could wear it.”
Her mother smiled. “Of course I do, dear. I’m wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding.” Source: friarsclub.com
“Yes, I’m still paying off the China Shop incident. “Any other questions, Mr Nosy?”