Lift Your Own Spirits

We all feel down now and then, especially lately. These techniques can help you bounce back

Strategies to bounce back from bad days.

On a freezing winter’s evening, Ashley Austrew sat in her car in a carpark working up the courage to go into a comedy improv class. For about 20 minutes, the 33-year-old journalist and mother of two sat with swirling thoughts of selfdoubt: OMG, I can’t do this. I’ll be the worst one. Then she turned off the engine, took a few deep breaths, and went inside. For Austrew, trying improv was the first small step to improve her self-esteem. “All my life, I’ve lacked confidence,” she says. “I didn’t have the courage to try anything new.” So she made a list of all the things she was afraid to attempt and then asked herself, What if I didn’t let my excuses win? Improv was her biggest target.

Her fear dissolved as soon as she walked into the class. Her classmates were also beginners,

and she discovered that she was perfectly capable of earning a few laughs and making new friends.

Over the next two years, Austrew went on to tackle other what-ifs, including writing a book. “Selfesteem is like a muscle – you have to work it constantly,” she says.

Some people are blessed with a seemingly unshakable positivity, but most of us need to learn how to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps.

Psychologists say we tend to experience our lowest self-esteem in adolescence and spend much of our adult lives slowly building it back up. Staying positive has been tough in the past year. Since the pandemic began, three times as many adults have reported symptoms of depression or anxiety (the malevolent cousins to low selfworth) compared with 2019.

Thankfully, like Austrew, we can learn to feel better about ourselves and strengthen our feelings of hope. (Of course, anyone experiencing severe or persistent symptoms should seek professional help.) Here are seven science-backed strategies to improve your relationship with the person in the mirror.

EMBRACE THE UPSIDE OF FEELING DOWN

First, realise that negative emotions aren’t inherently bad – they can be useful. “That ping of anxiety gets my attention and says, ‘Hey, you need to focus on this,’ ” says psychologist Ethan Kross, author of Chatter: The Voice

in Our Head. If you need to deal with an immediate problem – say, reining in overspending – that call to focus is helpful. But negativity spirals into something harmful when a particular thought circuit just won’t shut off. If you can’t sleep because of it, feel physically stressed all the time, or keep rehashing the same situation, those are signs you need to employ tools to break the cycle, says Kross.

ENGAGE IN SMARTER SELFTALK

In his lab at the University of Michigan, Kross asks subjects to talk to themselves in the second person, and to use their own names. Instead of saying, “I’m so nervous about this meeting on Tuesday,” for example, say, “[Your name], you seem pretty nervous about this meeting.”

Kross’s research shows that this simple shift in language gets people into problem-solving mode more quickly. “They turn into coaches and start advising themselves, taking stock of the problem and figuring out if they have the resources to meet it,” Kross says.

CHANGE YOUR VIEW – LITERALLY

If you are looking out the window lost in a thought loop, walk to a different window. Alternative perspectives help us digest our experiences, and

changing our physical view intuitively jogs a different emotional one as well. “When I’m stuck feeling a certain way and I choose to walk away and look for something better – that’s a choice to do something good for myself. That itself is a treatment,” says Sasha Storaasli, an end-of-life counsellor to terminally ill transplant patients.

BELIEVE THAT YOU MATTER

To matter is the bedrock belief that you are important and worthy of consideration, and according to a 2020 study, it is linked to joy. Strong personal relationships are the best aids to believing you matter. Spend time with loved ones, and remind them you offer a shoulder to cry on. Maintaining a sense of control, especially over your healthcare issues, also boosts that sense of importance.

REMINISCE

While some research suggests happiness increases with age, studies also suggest that self-esteem peaks at age 60, then declines. As people get older, the loss of loved ones, professional identity or independence can threaten the sense of who they are. Telling someone stories from the past may bolster self-esteem at this key moment. Take a trip down memory lane by looking through a photo album with loved ones or playing music that reminds you of meaningful moments.

REPEAT A TASK YOU’RE GOOD AT

Psychologist Patrick Keelan plays piano every day. When he’s helping people with low selfesteem, he suggests they routinely engage with activities that use or improve their skills. “When you’re doing something that you’re good at or getting better at, it gets harder to think negatively about yourself,” he explains.

GET MOVING

There’s no silver bullet for improving low morale, but exercise is the closest thing we have. It is good for stress management and general mental health and provides a sense of competence and accomplishment. Dozens of studies have indicated that exercise has a significant impact on physical self-worth. The activity you choose matters less than enjoying it, sticking to it, and getting at least a moderate challenge out of it.