RESTAURANT REVIEWS WITH ATTITUDE

Eating out tonight? Choose your restaurant carefully. These are actual reviews:

“Primary attraction was the small wildlife wandering across the table.”

“‘ Breaking bread’ should not mean you have to use the side of the table.”

“I thought I was looking at an oil painting when suddenly it moved. It was my waitress.”

“The only way the tables could be closer together would be to stack them.”

“The duck was tired, tough and took 90 minutes to arrive. It must have had a long flight.”

“The chef keeps renaming and relocating the restaurant like it’s a member of a witness protection programme.”

“The waiter repeatedly called my ageing parents ‘coach’ and ‘darling.’”

“Overpriced and undergood.”

FROM ZAGAT