DON’T CALL US, WE’LL CALL YOU

Looking for a job? Be sure to think about your CV. Below, we’ve strung together actual statements made by job seekers.

OBJECTIVE: “I would like to work for a company that is very lax when it comes to lateness.” SKILLS: “I can edit and improve any document someone puts in front of me. I love animals, too!” EMPLOYMENT HISTORY:

“Drove a toe truck.”

n “My long period of unemployment had to do with a variety of time-consuming events such as a tax audit of my finances, in particular.”

REFERENCES: “My girlfriend.” PAY GOALS: “I am looking for a rate of either $120 per day or $120 per hour.” ACCOMPLISHMENTS:

“My shirt is always tucked in.”