Grady Hendrix
It is just possible that the horror writer is pulling our leg…
What is your daily writing routine like?
If I want to get my bowl of gruel I have to fill the pages I am given by the Editor. This must happen every day or no gruel.
Describe the room in which you typically write.
I write in a six-by-six iron cage. My Editor keeps a tarp over the cage at all times and blindfolds me when I am taken to The Inspiration Room, so I don’t know what the rest of this writers’ workshop looks like.
Do you have any personal mementos on your desk?
I am not allowed any personal belongings because they interfere with The Writing Process.
Do you find it helpful to listen to music while writing?
Sometimes the Editor will play “Goodbye Horses” by Q Lazzarus but otherwise it is silent, unless one of the other authors has not met their page count. When that happens there is a lot of noise, most of it screaming and begging.
How do you deal with writers’ block or the urge to procrastinate?
If you cannot fill your pages you are taken to The Inspiration Room. You don’t want to go to The Inspiration Room.
Which of your books are you the most proud of?
After I finished The Southern Book Club’s Guide To Slaying Vampires, the Editor gave me an extra helping of gruel and let me look at a photograph of trees for 20 minutes. That was nice.
Which of your books was the most difficult to write?
I was taken to The Inspiration Room many times while writing How To Sell A Haunted House and I found it difficult to write after having so many parts of my body removed.
Is there anything about one of your books which you wish you could travel back in time and “fix”?
I wish I could travel back in time and not send an application to this writers’ workshop. Or at least not include the $50 application fee.
Have you ever come up with a good plot idea in a dream?
Once, I dreamed I was being taken to The Inspiration Room, and I fought my Editor, and I escaped and ran outside but there was nothing there, just an endless black void. That is how I learned that escape is impossible, even in my dreams.
Is there any particular author whose writing ability makes you envious?
No, but I envy the freedom of movement all authors not at this writers’ workshop have. I also envy their ability to have all their own fingers and toes. And both kidneys. And tongues.
What’s the most frustrating thing about being an author?
I wish my Editor would let me see that photo of trees again.
What’s the best piece of writing advice you’ve received or read?
My Editor once told me that if I didn’t hit my word count three days in a row he would put me in a woodchipper and use me to fertilise his flower beds. That’s always stuck with me and when I sometimes want to quit, I think about it and am inspired to keep going.
How To Sell A Haunted House is available in paperback now, published by Titan Books.