BLINDED WITH SCIENCE

REAL quotes from children’s science exams: “H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.” “To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.”

“When you smell an odourless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.”

“Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.”

“Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars.” “Blood flows down one leg and up the other.” “The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader.”

“Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull.”

“Mushrooms always grow in damp places, so they look like umbrellas.”

“The body consists of three parts: the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowls, of which there are five: a, e, i, o, and u.”

“A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.”

“Many women believe that an alcoholic binge will have no ill effects on the unborn foetus, but that is a large misconception.” “Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.” “Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.”

“To keep milk from turning sour, keep it in the cow.”