Street Machine - - Your Stuff - Red­mond, email

THOUGHT your read­ers might like some advice on putting to­gether a bot­tom end. There are lots of ar­ti­cles out there, but they’re mostly aimed more at the credit card-wield­ing horse­power junkies. Our en­gine build, by con­trast, is on a dol­lar diet. En­joy.

Firstly, be­fore start­ing any work on the bot­tom end of an en­gine, whack a cou­ple of san­gas into your brother (ham/cheese/tomato).

In our en­gines we don’t run any thrust wash­ers. They are money-hun­gry lit­tle bug­gers and a to­tal waste of time. Why would any­one run brass in an en­gine, un­less it was the bloody Queen’s Rolls-royce? By leav­ing the thrusts out it solves cool­ing is­sues too. When sit­ting at traf­fic lights with your foot on the clutch, the snout of the crank moves closer to the cool­ing fan. Bet­ter cool­ing.

To mount the crank in the block, many city types and pretty-boy race teams use ex­pen­sive as­sem­bly paste. They prob­a­bly brush their teeth with Col­gate tooth­paste and drink Earl Grey with Prince Charles too. None of that wastage out here at Dune­doo. When I take Tanya out to din­ner at Micky D’s, I pocket all the tomato sauce sa­chets, and dead-set, they work a treat. We lay the sauce down on the shells and the crank goes in as slip­pery as Clive Palmer’s thumb at a KFC buf­fet.

Once the crank is in place, we tighten up the main bolts, us­ing a good shifter and a 100kg fella. Then we zip through and write red ‘X’ marks on each of the main bolts. That is a trick I learnt from years of spin­ning span­ners in deal­er­ships, work­shops and shit­shows. That guar­an­tees the ten­sion on each one is ex­act and true. Makes the war­ranty de­part­ment at the deal­er­ship happy, too.

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