FUNNYUNNY FOTO
JOURNEY PLANNER
I RODE to the bottlo yesterday on my bicycle, bought a bottle of whisky and put it in the bike basket. But as I was about to leave, I thought to myself that if I fell off the bike, the bottle would probably break. So I decided it would be much better if I drank all the whisky before I cycled home.
It turned out to be a very good decision – I fell off seven times on the way home!
Bykiz Wobblie, email
FINE DINING
A LADY goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex. The doctor gives her a pill. “Slip it in your husband’s mashed potatoes at dinner,” he advises. “But remember, this medication is still experimental. We don’t know exactly what the effects will be.”
About a week later, the lady returns to the doctor. “Doc, the pill worked great!” she enthuses. “I put it in the potatoes like you said. Five minutes hadn’t even gone by when he jumped up, raked all the food and dishes onto the floor, grabbed me, ripped my clothes off and ravaged me right there on the table!”
“Hmmm, I’m sorry; we didn’t realise the pill was that strong,” the doctor says. “Our clinic will be glad to pay for any damages.”
“Nah, that’s okay,” the lady replies. “We’re not allowed back in that restaurant anyway.”
Ann Fordezert, email
BLOOMIN’ HELL
A MAN went to the local market to buy flowers for his wife. Another man was already standing there looking at flowers and contemplating the prices and varieties.
The first man could tell that the man who was there already was feeling uncomfortable standing in front of flowers, so he attempted to make small talk. “Would you believe how much money they want us to spend on something that’s going to die anyway?” he asked.
The second man replied: “Yeah, and we still have to buy them flowers!”
Rose Pettles, email
PLEASE EGGSPLAIN
ONE day, a housewife was cleaning under the bed, when she found a small box. Curious, she opened it and found three eggs and $10,000. A bit suspicious, she confronted her husband of 50 years about it.
“Oh, that,” her husband replied. “Every time I cheated on you, I put an egg in this box.”
The woman wasn’t all that happy about this, but figured that three affairs over 50 years wasn’t so bad.
“But what about the $10,000?” she asked. The husband replied: “Well, every time I got a dozen eggs, I sold them.”
Manny Lee Aizons, email
ANGER MANAGEMENT
A YOUNG girl who was writing a paper for school came to her father and asked: “Dad, what is the difference between anger and exasperation?”
The father replied: “It is mostly a matter of degree. Let me show you what I mean.”
With that, the father went to the telephone and dialled a number at random. A man answered and the father asked: “Hello, is Bartholomew there?”
“There is no one living here named Bartholomew,” the man on the other end said tetchily. “You’ve got the wrong number.”
The father put down the phone and said to his daughter: “That man was not very happy with our call. He was probably very busy with something and we annoyed him. Now watch.”
The father dialled the number again. “Hello, is Bartholomew there?” he asked.
“Now look here!” came the heated reply. “You just called this number and I told you that there is no Bartholomew here! Stop calling!” The receiver was slammed down hard.
The father turned to his daughter and said: “You see, that was anger. Now I’ll show you what exasperation means.”
He dialled the same number again, and an obviously irate voice roared: “Hello!”
The father calmly said: “Hello, this is Bartholomew. Have there been any calls for me?”
X Asperait, email