> FUNNY FOTO
CLAIM TO THE THRONE
A CAT and two dogs – a Collie and a St Bernard – appeared in heaven and were seeking admission. God himself decided to hear their appeal from his judgement seat.
The St Bernard said: “I was a valued rescue dog and helped find those nuns after the avalanche.”
“Wonderful, you are accepted into heaven,” said God.
The Collie said: “I was always faithful to my master and brought the family together when they were down.”
“Sounds wonderful,” said God. “Welcome.” Then it was the cat’s turn. “Why should we let you in?” asked God.
The cat replied: “You’re sitting in my chair.”
Fi Lyne, email
SOUND REASONING
AFTER failing his logic exam, a uni student angrily confronts his lecturer about it. “Sir, do you really understand anything about this subject?” the student demands.
“Well, I must,” the lecturer replies, “otherwise
I would not be a professor!”
“Well then, I would like to ask you a question,” the student says. “If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my current grade and leave. However, if you do not know the answer, I want you to give me an A for the exam.”
The professor agrees. “Okay, what’s the question?” he asks.
The student replies: “What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal?”
The professor considers the question thoroughly, but eventually he concedes that he doesn’t know the answer. As agreed, he changes the student’s exam mark to an A.
Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same question. The student immediately answers: “Well sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 32-year-old woman, which is legal but not logical. Your wife has an 18-year-old lover, which is logical but not legal. And the fact that you have just given your wife’s lover an A, although he really should have failed, is neither legal nor logical.”
Con Undrum, email
YELLOW FEVER
A MAN goes to the doctor and gets diagnosed with Yellow 158, a disease that the doctor tells him means he has only a week to live. His wife asks him what he would like to do in his final week. The man says: “You know, this might sound weird, but I always wanted to try playing bingo.” His wife says: “Okay darling, if that’s your wish.”
So they head down to the bingo hall, and the man wins first go, receiving $2000.
The next day, they visit the bingo hall again, and the man wins again, this time a new car.
He’s back again the following day, and this time he wins a house. The bingo caller asks him up to the microphone and says: “We couldn’t help but notice all your wins these past few days. You must be the luckiest man alive!”
The man looks at the caller solemnly and says:
“No, I’m not lucky at all; I’ve got Yellow 158.”
“Incredible,” the caller cries. “You’ve won the raffle too!”
Bing Gohorl, email
WITNESS STATEMENT
A POLICE officer came upon a terrible car wreck where all the occupants had been killed. As he looked through the wreckage, a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the monkey, let out a deep sigh and said: “I wish you could talk and tell me what went on here.”
The monkey looked up at the officer and nodded vigorously. “Wait, you can understand what I’m saying?” exclaimed the officer. Again, the monkey nodded.
“Well, did you see what happened?” “Yes,” nodded the monkey. He then pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up to his mouth.
“They were drinking?” asked the officer. The monkey again nodded.
“What else?”
The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth.
“They were smoking marijuana?”
The monkey again nodded in agreement. “Now wait, you’re saying they were drinking and smoking pot before the car crashed?” asked the officer.
“Yes,” nodded the monkey emphatically. “So what were you doing during all this?” “Driving,” motioned the monkey.
Jim Panzee, email