> FUNNY FOTO
“How could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and returned so quickly?”
“I didn’t have to go out of the church, Mummy,” the little girl replied. “They have a box next to the front door that says, ‘For the Sick’.”
Phil Dwithpewk, email
HOT DATE
IT’S the 1950s, and teenager Bobby goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue, for the dance. Bobby’s a pretty hip guy with his own car and a ducktail hairdo. When he arrives at the front door, Peggy Sue’s father answers and invites him in. “Peggy Sue’s not ready yet, so why don’t you have a seat?” he says.
The two men sit down in the living room, and Peggy Sue’s father asks Bobby what they are planning to do that evening. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the malt shop or a drive-in movie.
“Why don’t you kids go out and screw?” Peggy Sue’s father suggests. “I hear all the kids are doing it.”
“Wha– whaaat?” stammers Bobby, taken aback.
“Yeah,” says Peggy Sue’s father, “Peggy Sue really likes to screw; she’ll screw all night if we let her!”
With that, Bobby’s eyes light up and a smile breaks out from ear to ear. Needless to say, the evening’s plans have just been completely revised!
A few minutes later, Peggy Sue comes downstairs in her cute poodle skirt and saddle shoes and announces she’s ready to go. Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door, while Peggy Sue’s dad calls out, “Have a good evening, kids,” and winks at Bobby.
About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly dishevelled Peggy Sue rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her and screams at her father: “Dammit, Daddy! How many times do I need to say it? The Twist! It’s called the Twist!”
Dan Scraze, email
EDUCATED OPINION
MY WIFE minored in psychology, and she’s always using her amateur psychobabble on me when we argue.
Like when I fired the pool boy, she said, “Well, you know, you’re only firing him because he’s so young and good looking, and you feel threatened and insecure because it reminds you of your own mortality, and you’re projecting all these insecurities onto someone else in a very passiveaggressive way, because these feelings are just too traumatic for you to deal with.” I replied, “Honey, we don’t have a pool.”
Farrah Nuff, email
INSTRUMENT OF CHANGE
AN UNHAPPY couple go to a marriage counsellor. He tries to work with them, but they absolutely refuse to talk about anything in front of each other. The counsellor gets fed up, gets his bass out, and starts playing it.
The couple sit there looking at each other, dumbfounded. But the counsellor keeps playing, slapping away in some kind of jazz-funk odyssey. After several minutes of this, the couple start making small talk with each other. Pretty soon they’re deep in conversation.
At the end of the hour, the counsellor puts down the bass and the couple turn to him and say, “Doctor, that was amazing! We haven’t talked like that in years! How did you do it?”
The counsellor replies, “Ah, well you see, people always talk during the bass solo.”
May Kitstop, email