FACILITATED SEPARATION

As a family lawyer, my first contact with a couple is often at the height of their interpersonal conflict.

Emotions are often high – grief, anger, fear, hurt and shock.

Often a great deal of damage has been done to the trust that a couple might previously have enjoyed.

The nature of separation is such that often damage is done long before separation but I find myself increasingly eager to intervene earlier between a couple, such that both parties are given a firm appreciation that the damage they do to each other in effecting separation can have a lasting legacy for all concerned and particularly children, who rightfully deserve parents who can positively co-parent.

All too often that damage originates from communication breakdown and the fear that flourishes in such an environment.

A classic example is the perception that one parent is endeavouring to “take” the children or a stand-off in which both parties refuse to leave the family home and the lounge room becomes a war zone.

What is required is the assistance of a third party to facilitate separation, often a mediator or therapist who is focused on helping a couple:

● Agree as to how separation will be effected, interim financial arrangements, who will stay at home and how they manage the children emotionally and physically during this difficult period

● Address misapprehensions and concerns in the context of both the relationship breakdown and moving forward

● Set guidelines for communication moving forward, the protection of kids from conflict and containing invested family members and friends.

While the above doesn’t always ensure that this difficult period is conflict-free, it certainly gives a couple a genuine chance to move forward positively, to prioritise their own emotional health and to safeguard much-loved children.