COLLABORATIVE PARENTING
STRATEGIES TO AVOID THE CONFLICT
When two people separate there has most likely been a degree of conflict, and difficulty communicating.
When there are children involved, it is important that both parents have an awareness that the conflict between them is unlikely to have positive consequences for the children.
COMPROMISE – THE OLD ‘GIVE AND TAKE’ PRINCIPLE
It is the old adage of “a bit of give leads to a bit of take” but making the other parent’s life difficult is only going to make matters worse. Let’s not beat around the bush, and contemplate that facilitating parenting arrangements is easy. It is not. Often parenting orders are laced with complex paragraphs about time spent between each parent and often, without some level of give and take, any parenting arrangement in place will not operate smoothly. Parents need to be aware that while parenting arrangements may be inconvenient for them, it is most likely the children who are truly inconvenienced by any situation where there is no give and both parents are taking.
MAKE ARRANGEMENTS AND NOTE THEM ON THE CALENDAR!
Arrangements for the care of children and the time the children would spend with each parent (whether informal or formal) need to be made with a commitment to do all you can to abide by them. A good method is to mark specific details in advance on a calendar and then seek comment or agreement from the other parent and exchanging a copy of the calendar with that parent when agreement is reached. A calendar ensures that each parent is on the same page and gives parties the ability to sort out any misinterpretations, misunderstandings or inconsistencies before a situation arises where both parents think they are abiding by the arrangements only to find out that they are abiding by different arrangements.
There is no consensus on the best way to make parenting arrangements run smoothly. What there is for the most part though is consensus that conflict between parents is unlikely to have positive consequences for the children. Approaching such matters with a mindset of compromise and acceptance rather than the “my way or the highway” approach and implementing arrangements which will lead to the lowest chance of conflict occurring between the parents is essential.