is spending more time at home – and his wife isn’t thrilled.
At some point along the timeline of human evolution between hunting woolly mammoths and hunting for the perfect quinoa salad, someone invented the concept of “work-life fe balance”. The idea was that we were all spending too much time at the office ce and not enough time with our families. ilies. Clearly whoever came up with it didn’t have a family.
Here is all you need to know about work-life ork-life balance: there is no balance. nce. Indeed, not only is work-life life balance a lie, it’s the worst kind of lie. It’s not just untrue, it’s the exact ct opposite of the truth. The he “life” bit is in fact extremely remely hard work and the “work” bit is the only chance ance you get to live.
Having ng just cut back on my office ffice hours to spend more time with my y family I can assure you that the office is not where the real work k lies. At least at the office ffice you can go to the toilet oilet without a little sociopath th following you everywhere here constantly screaming ng for more – with the obvious ous exception of Kevin Rudd’s udd’s former staffers.
This is why men under 40 have big g nights and those over 40 have long lunches. The working day is their only escape from work. But of course they then still have to do all the work they were supposed to do that day only now have to do it half-pissed. And so they end up stuck at the office until 9pm trying t to stop the lines on the spreadsheets from shimmering. That’s how they invented the term “work “workaholic”. But what do you becom become when you are a workaholic without the actual work? Obviously we all know the answer to that: ann annoying. This has been made very clear to me by my wife. When I first started working from home I thought I might get a role in House Husbands. As it stan stands, I’m now a better chance for The Bachelor. Part of the prob problem is that men and women a appear to work at home in d different ways. For exampl example, over the course of a typica typical evening my wife will have fed the kids, bathed the k kids and put the kids to bed. I, I on the other hand, wil will have perfected the most efficient way to stack the dishwasher. Likewise she will spend hours each day sorting out childcare, preschool, sleep school, swimming lessons, Gymbaroo, Barangaroo and petting zoos while I have managed to do four loads of laundry in 84 minutes. I know because I timed it.
Nor does the juxtaposition end there. My wife once took an entire afternoon to clean out all our cupboards but still didn’t find Iron Man’s helmet. And she wonders why she’s not the favourite.
Yet, despite this obvious disparity, I never seem to get the credit I deserve. It looks like gender equality still has a long way to go. Having said that, I am far from bitter.the truth is that the best decision I have ever made is to take time away from work to watch my wife raise our children. Sure, I’m a trailblazer, but the true credit belongs to all those men still drunk at the office upon whose shoulders I now stand.
And the most rewarding part is now I have the opportunity to suggest ways she could be doing it better, although this positive feedback only seems to anger her for some reason. I guess there’s no understanding women. Joe co-hosts Studio 10, 8.30am weekdays, on Network Ten.
“Sure, I’m a trailblazer, but the credit belongs to the men still drunk at the office upoupon whose shoulders I stand”