Exit, stage left
SO-CALLED comedian Austen Tayshus has had a horror trip to the Territory, having flopped twice during his recent tour, first at Tennant Creek and then at Humpty Doo. But he insists it’s not his fault. “The Humpty Doo Hotel on Friday May 13 was full of comatose belligerents,” he said on Twitter. He then added that they were “stupid and drunk and uncontrollable”. In his defence, he stressed “how great my show was at the Katherine Club”, where he described the audience as “civilised”. Congratulations to the people of Katherine for living up to Mr Tayshus’s standards of civility.
Truth is somewhere
THE truth is out there, specifically at Marrara. Bushranger’s spy Morgan Mason reports that, as seen from Google Maps, the mowing pattern on the footy oval next to TIO stadium appears to contain crop circles. We’re not saying aliens are the cause, but we’re certainly not saying they’re not.
PRIME Minister Malcolm Turnbull was in Darwin this week. He toured the port that we don’t own any more and had a chin wag with Border Force, whose job it is to stop the boats that aren’t coming any more. The PM then went to the newly spruced-up Lizards Bar for an “impromptu” event, “politics in the pub”. An estimated four members of the Young Country Liberals were there to pack the bar out, the rest were in bed. Mr Turnbull then ordered a schooner of mid-strength beer. Still not as bad as predecessor Tony Abbott, who famously ordered a light beer shandy during the 2013 election campaign.
WORST PERFORMANCE OF THE WEEK:
Bushranger can also report that Mr Turnbull almost forgot his gift from the NT Press Club, a T-shirt with the slogan: “Darwin, a sunny place for shady people”. Luckily, someone chased him out the door to make sure he didn’t leave it behind.
No nod for Griggs
“NODDIES” — the party faithful who stand behind the subject of a press conference and nod — are a time-honoured tradition in politics. During an election campaign, standing behind a party leader gives a local candidate valuable exposure to a national audience and shows to local voters their pollie is besties with the big man. But Member for Solomon and Tony Abbott fan Natasha Griggs was notably absent from prime position behind Mr Turnbull’s shoulder in Darwin on Tuesday. The following day in Cairns, the LNP candidate was in clear view, nodding his heart out.
Politics can be sexy
FOR the most part, elections are terribly unsexy, but there are signs that the coming poll might be different. The Australian Sex Party is starting to announce candidates, and is hopeful of winning seats in Canberra based on “commonsense” policies. Among them is Dr Meredith “Doiggy Style” Doig, who is standing as a Senate candidate in Victoria. Now that’s a candidate Bushranger could get behind.
Make an entrance
WE’VE all had our big nights out. This week, the Darwin Local Court was told about a particularly good effort. We’ll exercise rare discretion and leave the poor young bloke’s name out of it, but in his lawyer’s words: “He woke up in a garden, heavily intoxicated”. Old mate then allegedly went on to break in to what “he thought was his house”. Chin up, young fella, we’ve all been there.
Zinger burglar returns
AN NT News photographer was quite taken with a striking young man she met on a work trip this week. While chatting to the handsome gent, she commented that he looked very familiar, and asked if he’d ever been snapped for the paper. He stayed coy but indicated there was a possibility he’d graced the pages before. It wasn’t until the plane ride back to Darwin that the photographer realised where she’d seen that strong jawline previously — when its owner had appeared in court for his involvement in the armed robbery of a KFC store.
Not so fine
LAST week, Bushranger reported on the NT News police reporter and potty mouth Kieran Banks being fined $150 for telling a cgrade soccer umpire to “f**k off”. He thought the fine was a bit rich, given that you can swear your face off interstate for $20. The fine arrived this week, and it’s actually $136.36 plus GST, which means someone in government has decided that giving a ref a piece of your mind is a goods or a service.
Houses of ill repute
IN the course of her work-related duties, a friend of Bushranger googled the term “Darwin brothel” this week. The third result was for NT Parliament House. We don’t understand how they were confused — one is a den of sin and the other is a brothel.