Bushranger
BUSHRANGER’S spies sent this picture of an empty Kleenex box found in Eva Lawler’s new office. Bushranger can only deduce that the previous inhabitant of that office had a habit of frequently blowing his nose, or something, while at work. For further explanation, keep reading...
Mystery solved
BUSHRANGER can reveal, after an exhaustive investigation, that the befouled office of disgraced former sports minister Nathan Barrett is suite 2, on the fifth floor of Parliament House. We can exclusively confirm that Member for Drysdale and Education Minister Eva Lawler has drawn the short straw and been allocated Lefty’s old digs. The private bathroom in that office is where the former Member for Blain famously filmed himself stroking his bellend. That’s a stiff incentive for Lawler to spend plenty of time in her electorate office, which is at the relatively safe distance of about 20km away in Palmerston. We understand that Opposition Leader Michael Gunner had wanted the location of Barrett’s former ministerial office to remain a secret, presumably to prevent squabbling among the ranks. However it is understood that it was unanimously agreed among the female-majority caucus that any man who took Suite 2 would be subject to ridicule (which is a pretty good point) and then newbie Lawler volunteered to take one for the team. Bushranger wonders if speaker Kezia Purick has the power to order some kind of industrial hosedown of the aforementioned room where Mr Barrett rubbed out his prospects of a political future.
Cracking whips
ELSEWHERE in the post-election wash-up, Lia Finocchiaro has been allocated her 10 opposition portfolios. She’s also been appointed as opposition whip, meaning she’s the party room enforcer to make sure everyone in the wing (that is, her and Gary Higgins) follows Mr Higgins’s lead. Ms Finocchiaro had a tough time as whip during the CLP’s fractious years in government, so hopefully her job will be a bit easier with the party’s new-found unity. Bushranger is told, in fact, that there is at least 50 per cent support with the CLP wing for Mr Higgins’s leadership, and that Ms Finocchiaro will keep it that way.
More than Keane
BUSHRANGER would like to welcome Chris McLennan to the Territory. Mr McLennan has taken over the editor’s chair at the Katherine Times. He’s won a Walkley Award, Australia’s most prestigious journalism prize. He replaces Lyndon Keane, who for the record definitely wasn’t a Walkley Award-winner and definitely wasn’t fired for writing a story about new local member Sandra Nelson having her election corflutes smeared with dog poo and defaced with penis graffiti. We know this, because ABC Media Watch host Paul Barry told us so. It was just a coincidence that Keane was on leave and then resigned after the hard hitting penis investigation. Keane recently said he was embracing new opportunities away from the “24/7 news cycle”. Other reasons, he said, made his position untenable. In any case, enjoy K-town Chris.
‘Where is it all?’ now gone
BUSHRANGER’S favourite piece of brooding, quasi-philosophical graffiti on Dick Ward Drive has been painted over. “Where is it all?” the graffiti pondered. It’s not even as if Katrina Fong Lim had dispatched Darwin Council’s graffiti squad onto it. Instead, some young punks have tagged over it. At first glance their masterpiece reads “GZHZPOG”, or words to that effect.
Not kosher
ON Thursday, HOT100 host Tiff, host of the creatively named “Arvo’s with Tiff” thought she’d spice up a dreary trivia night at The Precinct with a bit of casual anti-semitism. You know, the funny kind. Quizmaster Tiff was due to ask: “When do Jewish boys celebrate their bar mitzvah?” Instead of just asking the question, she opened by saying: “Are there any Jews in here? And I don’t mean Jewish people, I mean people who are tight with money”. Awkward. Tiff’s got a fair bit of chutzpah, but a visiting American tourist was not amused. “This is bullsh*t. That’s bullsh*t. It’s racist and anti-Semitic and it’s not OK. It’s bullsh*t,” he said. For clarity, he thought Tiff’s joke was bullshit.
Clarification
LAST week, Bushranger reported that “Timothy”, no surname, was changing his name to Timothy Cook. Turns out, it’s the Timothy Cook of Tiwi Island art fame. Mr Cook, apparently born without a surname, had to formally acquire one so he could get a passport for a trip to Europe for an exhibition.
Glowing praise
FEDERAL Parliament ran out of work to do this week. Government senators were told on Monday morning that they would have to give meaningless 20-minute speeches to pad out the government business session. Nationals senator for Victoria Bridget McKenzie used her address to praise the performance of colleagues during the election campaign but suffered several stumbles. Commenting on Nationals Senate leader Nigel Scullion, she said: “He’s a deep thinker. You wouldn’t think it but he actually is.”