Bushranger

A poet, don’t ya know it!

ALICE Springs-based renaissance man Russell Goldflam, who also happens to be president of the Criminal Lawyers Association NT, has long penned limericks about notable criminal trials. A collection of the poems appears in the latest edition of the Law Society’s journal Balance. Bushranger reckons his best work is in chronicling the plight of backpacker turned convicted drug dealer Daniel Platt. “In a trap fell that backpacker, Platt/ Dealing drugs. Still at least he’s no rat/ As he did it in aid/ Of a woman betrayed/ What a prat though to help her like that.” It carries the slightly unpoetic title though: The Queen v Platt [2015] NTCCA 3.

Inactive clubbed to death

THIS week, government boffins published a list of associations due to be dissolved because of inactivity. It reads like a rollcall of odd hobbies you hadn’t thought about in years, but probably still have the equipment for in a box somewhere. Among those facing the axe are the Cake Decorators Association NT, the Chess Association of the NT, the NT Blind Bowlers Association (don’t ask), the NT Rope Skipping Association, the NT Recorder Guild and the Top End Nine Ball Association.

Sharp detective work

WHEN bikie Shannon Althouse got run down by a car, Nine News reporter Isabelle Mul

len was on the case. The TV network refused to identify the bikie, apparently because he was the victim this time around. Bushranger has heard many words used to describe Althouse, but victim isn’t one of them. Anyway, Mullen made the point that Althouse hadn’t yet made a formal complaint to police. Bushranger is no detective, but presumes this was because at the time of broadcast, he was still deep in his induced coma.

Clash of the cliches

WHILE we’re on the subject of Nine News, Mullen’s fellow reporter Georgie Chumbley described a four-wheel-driver who got bogged as being “up a creek with nowhere to go”. Last time Bushranger checked his dictionary of cliches, one could be “up sh*t creek without a paddle” or, alternatively, “all dressed up with nowhere to go”. Bushranger presumes Chumbley meant the former.

Staying sober made hard

SOME people are abstaining from grog next month. It’s called Oc-sober (geddit?). It’s kind of like Lent but without the promise of eternal salvation. To promote the event, Life Education boffins held an event with smoothies, which tasted 45 per cent as good as a mojito. Awkwardly, the juicers didn’t work. One was without a blade. The other juicer’s lid didn’t close properly, which showered all the attendees in a delicious layer of juiced watermelon. It’s days like that you really want a beer.

Balancing act with sexes

TO MUCH fanfare, the Territory elected a whole stack of women at the last election.

Bushranger reckons it’s something the Territory should be proud off. Elsewhere, however, things have gone too far, as Darwin Council alderman Robin Knox noted recently about the council’s disability advisory committee. “(She) questioned the balance of the committee and prompted discussion of attaining more male representation,” council minutes said, in what must surely be a sign of the times.

Southerner can take a hike

TOWN planner Steven Burgess reckons Darwin needs fewer carparks and more walking, as reported in the NT News this week. He conveniently flew back down south after making his insightful comments. This is the equivalent of farting in a room, then leaving. Bushranger would like to invite Burgess back to Darwin for a leisurely stroll across town in a month when it’s approximately 4000 per cent humidity and 146C.

Ding-dong, donga again

ABC Darwin is teeming with FIFO Sydney journos at the moment. Fortunately, we still have ABC local radio to show them how journalism is done in the Territory. Case in point is long-term Territorian Emilia Terzon, who wrote up a cunning linguistic investigation piece on the origins of the word “donga”. The long and the short of what she was asking was: “Where did it come from?” It was a hard story to break, no doubt. Commendably, Terzon used the word “donga” 25 times.

Difference of opinion

THERE’S no such thing as a stupid question, only a stupid answer, Bushranger’s teachers used to say. They’d obviously never been on Darwin’s community Facebook pages, where local lad Russel Henry this week asked: “wake boarding at crab claw! A bit risky, or suicide?” Opinions were divided almost evenly between the risky camp and the suicide camp. Of course, some class clown encouraged old mate to get out in the water and start enjoying the great lifestyle.