A LITTLE HARD WORK NEVER HURT ANYONE
Kids really do need chores – trust me, they’ll thank you in the long run
In the holidays I taught my kids to clean the loo. They were thrilled about it, as you can imagine. A bottle of Domestos and a scrub around the U-bend does not make a great Snapchat story apparently.
In previous holidays they’d done lots of cool stuff – seen Tutankhamun’s coffin, ridden the 360 degree swing at Canberra’s Questacon and snorkelled through luminescence. But I realised, with a sense of unease, they’d never cleaned a toilet.
Before you have a crack, be honest: have yours?
I’m not a “back in my day” sort of parent because it’s the common refrain of biddies who had seven kids all of whom were drugged on brandy-laced gripe water and put in their pram at the end of the garden to “cry it out” and develop sun damage. Basically, we were raised on cordial and neglect.
But there was one element of my childhood that, looking back, was spot on: chores. I hated the sound of the word but concede Mum was right to make us do them. My brothers and I headed to university perfectly able to scrub a bath, wash our clothes and bulk up 500 grams of mince to feed 12. Our chow mein wouldn’t have been recognised in China but it kept the flatmates happy.
Fast forward a few decades and, until recently, my kids could barely show (grudging) proficiency in cat feeding and dishwasher unstacking. They’d developed an air of learned uselessness which involved whining and asking so many questions – “do you grate the carrot up or down?” – that it seemed easier to do it myself. Besides, they always had homework to do.
I looked around. All my friends kids were the same. Sure they could speak Mandarin and represent the State at fencing but they couldn’t figure out how to use Spray N Wipe. A vacuum cleaner with fewer functions than an iPhone 3 was equally confounding.
I realised we were raising Generation U (for Useless) and the statistics proved it. Crunching the most recent housework figures the Australian Institute of Family Studies concluded that young people are increasingly “domestically useless” with a rapid shrinking in the time they devote to housework. This corroborates American research showing that while 82 per cent of people did regular chores growing up, only 28 per cent said they required their children to do them.
Are we mad? In just a few generations we’ve gone from having kids as a means to share the workload to treating them like miniroyalty excused from basic responsibilities lest it thwart their all-important happiness and success. And we complain about their sense of entitlement!
As Richard Rende, author of Raising CanDo Kids, points out: “Parents today want their kids spending time on things that can bring them success, but ironically, we’ve stopped doing one thing that’s actually been a proven predictor of success – and that’s household chores.”
This week parents went into meltdown over a chart posted on the School Mum blog, which laid out age-appropriate chores for kids. Those aged 2-3 should make their beds, dust (with socks on their hands) and feed pets while 4-5 year olds could empty the dishwasher, match socks and get the mail. Those aged 9-11 should clean toilets and cut up vegetables while the 12+ category were old enough to clean the car and cook simple meals. Fair enough, I thought. Pretty much what I used to do at that age.
But you’d have thought parents had been asked to send their kids up a chimney. “Let kids be kids, they have a lot of years ahead of them,” bleated one commenter. “Just remember, they are only little once!” said another.
Well I’ve done some research and coupled with my instincts I reckon we’re getting it horribly wrong. Every time we let kids off a job because they’re at swimming training or they’ve got maths homework we’re basically telling them their personal glory matters more than kindness or helpfulness. We’re also robbing them of that grounding sense of mastery and responsibility. How can you promote the idea that a family is a team if only the parents are doing all the work?
My friend Jenny has a theory. She reckons blue collar families of old where both mum and dad worked because they had to, bred children who knew they had to help. They made dinner and got the washing off the line. Compare that to modern white collar families where both parents work - sometimes by choice rather than necessity. The mums feel guilty so they hire a cleaner and there’s no extra burden on the kids. All this equals more disposable income and greater entitlement.
I’ve concluded I want capable kids more than I want smart kids. I want kids who’ll pitch in and be self-reliant and empathetic to what others have to do. But mostly, when I visit my kids after they’ve left home I want to be assured of a clean loo.
ends