Bushranger
Roses are red ...
BUSHIE loves a hopeless romantic — and he’d be hard pressed finding a more hopeless one than the bloke spotted doing a late night Valentine’s eve run at Nightcliff on Tuesday. Obviously trying to make up for having forgotten the special day, a big hearted boofhead was spotted rushing out of the supermarket check-out towards his ute, arms loaded with chocolates, flowers, a bottle of champagne and an entire case of Jim Beam cans. Bushie hopes old mate didn’t down too many of the tinnies before his loving generosity was repaid in the bedroom.
Violets are blue ...
THE best way of expressing oneself to a loved one on Valentine’s Day is, of course, with a classified ad in the NT News. Among the soppy (and sometimes scary) declarations of love in Tuesday’s paper were two ads to the Adani coal mine from a lustful Lothario with the prime ministerial initials of MT. “When we’re together, the temperature rises,” read one.
Try not to get preggers ...
INDEPENDENT Gerry Wood continued his one-man crusade against decriminalising abortion this week, issuing one of the most downright bizarre press releases in recent memory. In it, Gerry, speaking in third person, carried out an imaginary conversation with the unborn, assuring them not to worry, Gerry was on the case.
And don’t get VD, too ...
ONE Darwin dog-lover found herself in an awkward stand-off with a pharmacist’s assistant this week when she presented a script for chlamydia medication — issued by her veterinarian. Turns out the medicine used to treat warts in dogs is the same they use to treat chlamydia in people. With the intervention of the pharmacist, the script was dispensed and Bushranger is very pleased to report Alvy the wolfhound is now free of disease.
Shocked jocks
TAKE 5, that august organ of crosswords and laundry tips, recently published a list of Australia’s “20 hottest radio hunks”. Bushranger notes with disappointment that not a single Territorian made the cut. The disc jockeys of Darwin should be suitably miffed to be left out, when even Kyle Sandilands and Ray Hadley got a guernsey.
Putting it all on the table
THE front page of Monday’s NT News contained a friendly invitation to thus far absent Federal Treasurer Scott Morrison to visit us in the Territory. Bushranger hears one Territorian was explaining the joke to a mate, using a texta to write out the shorthand for the term “see you in the NT” on a piece of paper on her kitchen table. Unfortunately, the ink bled through, leaving her previously pristine white tablecloth emblazoned with a rather smutty slogan.
Horsing around
A LOT of nonsense gets spoken about in the halls of Parliament in the late hours of adjournment. This sitting week, our elected representatives devoted 3760 words (Bushranger counted) exploring the fortunes of different Darwin footy clubs. Bushy thinks Speaker Kezia Purick hit the nail on the head when she interrupted Tony Sievers’ spiel. ”Not another one, I want to go home,” she said as he began his ode to the Buffs. Madam Speaker is more of a horse sports fan. Gerry Wood’s speech in adjournment was devoted to a game called “cornhole”. Whatever you do, don’t Google it at work.
Young at heart
A YOUNG lad, clearly being punished for some heinous misbehaviour, was forced to endure question time in Parliament on Thursday. Madam Speaker noticed the young chap and paused proceedings to send a cheerio up to the “young fella in the public gallery”. A rather less young fella with a magnificent beard sitting behind the intended recipient returned her wave, bringing a roar of laughter to the chamber.
Smoke signals
One of Bushranger’s spies spotted a sign at Royal Darwin Hospital. It says: “Visitors are not permitted to smoke in the hospital”. Some RDH doctors, nurses and patients optimistically hope the smoking ban doesn’t apply to them.
All over like a cheap suit
THE long awaited Alice Springs Supreme Court building is due to open in coming months. It’ll be a relief to lawyers, judges and crims alike, especially after the aircon at the old courthouse conked out on Monday, leaving everybody sweltering. The Ed Harry’s across the road from the new courthouse is making the most of its new-found location. Front and centre in their window display is a DUI special $99 two-piece suit, perfect for that DUI guilty plea.