HAYLEY SORENSEN

Gift giving is a waste of time, thought and energy. Instead of forking out cash for something people don’t need, or possibly want, spend time instead of money, writes Hayley Sorensen.

MY best mate gave me one duty to fulfil ahead of her wedding last weekend.

If I overheard anyone engaged in discussion about what to get the happy couple to mark the occasion, I was to swoop in immediately. “Cash. Give them cash.” They didn’t need a cheese board or a new doona cover or any of the other well intentioned crap people heap upon the newly wed.

They had just forked out for 80 of their family and friends to eat and drink and dance themselves silly and if they were going to get anything in return, they wanted it to be cash. When Donald Trump revealed he hadn’t bought his wife Melania a gift for her 48th birthday this week, the world unanimously decided he had made a YUGE mistake.

“I got her a beautiful card. You know I’m very busy to be running out looking for presents. I got her a beautiful card and some beautiful flowers,” he said during his infamous phone interview on Fox and Friends.

He was slammed for his selfishness.

Donald’s got the cash to spend, staff to spend it for him and Secret Service agents to dispatch to surveil Melania to figure out exactly what she wants.

But Melania is a former model with an army of stylists at her disposal — why would she need or want a bloke with the style of a Cheezel to pick her out a new hat or trinket? A beautiful card and flowers would surely be a better option. Bah humbug to gift giving. Listen to the economists on this one — gift giving is a waste of money.

According to the egghead scrooges, gift recipients underestimated the value of the presents they were given by up to a third, creating what American economist Joel Waldfogel famously called the “deadweight loss” of gift giving.

But the true purpose of gift giving is social, not economic.

It makes the giver feel all warm and fuzzy and benevolent. But too often the recipient is left with an ill-fitting jumper and a feeling of obligation to continue the cycle of unwanted outerwear until one party dies.

By all means, shout a mate lunch. Bring a bottle of wine over for dinner. Give them a book you think they’d love. But the obligation of gift giving at certain times of the year is nonsense.

My siblings and I stopped wasting time and money on “thoughtful” gifts for one another years ago.

Instead, we celebrate the sacred tradition of “Beer-mas” in which we exchange often identical sixpacks of midpriced pale ale. Everyone ends up happy for another year.

Much like Donald, I’m very busy. The busiest. I’m YUGELY busy.

I mightn’t have a wall to build or quite as much Maccas to eat in bed as Trump is rumoured to, but I’ve got a bit on my plate.

I’m going to follow Donald’s example with the most important woman in my life this Mother’s Day.

I’ve tried and failed to give mum thoughtful gifts in the past. She adores sapphires.

I bought her beautiful sapphire earrings she wore exactly once. Another year, I spent a fortune on flash Scandinavian knives to replace the shards of tin mum has used since she had racked up enough IGA rewards points to get for free in 1995.

They’ve sat mostly unused. They’re “too nice”.

Handily, I’m pretty sure my mum likes me a lot more than Melania likes her husband, presents or no presents.

So this year, I’m going to get mum a beautiful card, and some beautiful flowers.

I’ve been busy, you know.

Hayley Sorensen is a columnist for the