Drinkers tell CUB to go pull the other one

Sunday Territorian - - NEWS - STEVE VI­VIAN

IN­STEAD of es­cap­ing their trou­bles, dis­grun­tled Dar­win drinkers are be­ing con­fronted by them be­fore they can even twist off the lid.

Or, rather, pull of the lid, as lo­cal drinkers of the once in­of­fen­sive mass-pro­duced do­mes­tic lager Carl­ton Dry are up in arms over changes to the beers’ open­ing mech­a­nism.

Carl­ton Dry stub­bies re­cently changed from a stan- dard bot­tle cap to a ring pull cap last month, and ma­tureaged fans are fum­ing.

“These ring pulls, if you have any­thing wrong with your fin­ger – let’s say some arthri­tis – you can’t get them open,” said An­gela James, a rusted-on Dry drinker.

Ms James said drinkers of a cer­tain age like her­self, who no longer have the phys­i­cal con­sti­tu­tion to yank off ring pull caps with a manic zeal, are cor­nered, as the new ring pull wid­get neu­tralises stan- dard bot­tle opener en­try.

“They’re all sealed shut, so your bot­tle opener is no good … the only sav­ing grace is the more I drink, the eas­ier it gets,” Ms James said.

The thorny ring pulls, how­ever, only seem to be half of Ms James’s prob­lem.

Be­fore barely hav­ing time to un­crum­ple her face in an at­tempt to jimmy the ring pull cap from the bot­tle, Ms James re­alised that Carl­ton and United Brew­eries ( CUB), a com­pany with a strong­hold on the Aus­tralian beer mar­ket, and a sub­sidiary to An­heuser-Busch InBev, the world’s largest brew­ing con­glom­er­ate, had ex­cised 25ml from the bot­tle.

An­nounc­ing the de­ci­sion back in Oc­to­ber, CUB em­ployed a se­ries of dis­tract­ing non-se­quiturs in its press re­lease to jus­tify the ring pulls.

“In an in­creas­ingly com­plex world of po­lit­i­cal tur­moil, fi­nan­cial un­cer­tainty and cof­fee-in­fused beer with cin­na­mon tast­ing notes, peo­ple are cry­ing out for the sim­ple things,” the press re­lease read.

“So we looked at ways to make our prod­uct even more straight­for­ward.”

Ms James said she had no idea what that meant, and that the ‘con­ve­nience’ ra­tio­nale didn’t cut the mus­tard.

“What do you even say to that?” she said.

“They’re hard to open, I can hardly get them open, then they con­ve­niently don’t put as much beer in them … It’s a sad world.”

Pic­ture: KA­T­RINA BRIDGE­FORD

An­gela James is not happy about the change to the Car­ton Dry caps

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