Sunday Territorian

Drinkers tell CUB to go pull the other one

- STEVE VIVIAN

INSTEAD of escaping their troubles, disgruntle­d Darwin drinkers are being confronted by them before they can even twist off the lid.

Or, rather, pull of the lid, as local drinkers of the once inoffensiv­e mass-produced domestic lager Carlton Dry are up in arms over changes to the beers’ opening mechanism.

Carlton Dry stubbies recently changed from a stan- dard bottle cap to a ring pull cap last month, and matureaged fans are fuming.

“These ring pulls, if you have anything wrong with your finger – let’s say some arthritis – you can’t get them open,” said Angela James, a rusted-on Dry drinker.

Ms James said drinkers of a certain age like herself, who no longer have the physical constituti­on to yank off ring pull caps with a manic zeal, are cornered, as the new ring pull widget neutralise­s stan- dard bottle opener entry.

“They’re all sealed shut, so your bottle opener is no good … the only saving grace is the more I drink, the easier it gets,” Ms James said.

The thorny ring pulls, however, only seem to be half of Ms James’s problem.

Before barely having time to uncrumple her face in an attempt to jimmy the ring pull cap from the bottle, Ms James realised that Carlton and United Breweries ( CUB), a company with a stronghold on the Australian beer market, and a subsidiary to Anheuser-Busch InBev, the world’s largest brewing conglomera­te, had excised 25ml from the bottle.

Announcing the decision back in October, CUB employed a series of distractin­g non-sequiturs in its press release to justify the ring pulls.

“In an increasing­ly complex world of political turmoil, financial uncertaint­y and coffee-infused beer with cinnamon tasting notes, people are crying out for the simple things,” the press release read.

“So we looked at ways to make our product even more straightfo­rward.”

Ms James said she had no idea what that meant, and that the ‘convenienc­e’ rationale didn’t cut the mustard.

“What do you even say to that?” she said.

“They’re hard to open, I can hardly get them open, then they convenient­ly don’t put as much beer in them … It’s a sad world.”

 ?? Picture: KATRINA BRIDGEFORD ?? Angela James is not happy about the change to the Carton Dry caps
Picture: KATRINA BRIDGEFORD Angela James is not happy about the change to the Carton Dry caps

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