Curate less and cherish more
THERE is a picture on my desk of three young children – a sister sitting in the middle of her twin brothers – all in colour compatible clothing, with hair carefully styled for a nice family portrait.
The children are each holding a letter to spell out the word J O Y.
It would be all so perfect but all three of them are screaming, tears rolling down their little faces.
It makes me smile every time I see it. It never gets old.
Because it’s how life, particularly with kids, is.
No matter how we try to curate it on our social media feeds, life is messy and rowdy and far from perfect.
But that doesn’t stop us trying to perpetuate the myth.
We typically only put flawless, smiling, having-a-grand-time photos on our social media posts.
We delete all the closed eyes and unflattering poses.
There is no bad parenting or rude children or anything that hints at that feeling of holding on to the roller-coaster schedule of family life by the skin of your teeth.
Ultimately, all this social media perfection does is make us all feel inadequate and a tiny bit jealous about everyone else’s seemingly better life and their casual-walking-along-laughing photos in enviable locales.
Everyone else always seems to be living a better life with better holidays and having more fun.
It all manifests to create a general feeling of always wanting something better, something more.
And so, in the spirit of a new year before us, perhaps it’s time to commit to showing real life as it is for at least some of the photos on our social media feeds.
Be honest about how we are feeling.
That life is hard, we all need help sometimes, and that, on occasion, you seriously think about running away from your family and moving to Spain.
It is also a healthy choice to step away from the smartphone for other reasons, too.
It makes me feel uneasy that teenagers, particularly girls, take thousands of selfies, spend hours taking the “perfect’’ shot and then get an endorphin rush from how many likes, flattering comments and fire emojis that roll in (OMG such a babe; so beautiful; u r hot; legit perfect; stunna).
Our phones also have a bad habit of stealing our attention from what is happening right in front of us.
We don’t actually need a photo of everything that happens in our lives.
Sometimes, it’s better to just experience a moment – a baby’s first steps or a graduation presentation or walking through Central Park in New York – rather than trying to document it.
Yes, you can create an excellent social media pic.
But the overriding memory of that moment can end up being the angst of lining everyone up, separating the agitating siblings and forcing a smiling family selfie.
Forever after, every time you look at that excellent photo, you remember the stress in the moments leading up to it.
You realise you have experienced the moment through the screen of your smartphone, missing the feeling and sensation of the event unfolding before you in real life.
Technology, let’s not deny, is pretty good in a lot of ways.
I mean how else could I add to the grocery list while my husband is still at the shops?
Or watch episodes of TV shows whenever it suits me?
Our phones have a bad habit of stealing our attention from what is happening right in front of us
Or do online shopping with free returns (the best!).
It’s also been a vital connection for families separated by borders and oceans during Covid lockdowns.
Ultimately, we have to remember that technology and our very smart smartphones have their place. But we need to use the technology, not be used by it.
For the most part, it’s a brilliant world out there.
Let’s embrace it, however big or small our bit of it may be, unfiltered and imperfect.
Life is messy and sometimes difficult, So, let’s be honest about the good and the bad.