WHINGE of the week

Got a complaint? Send it to Grumpy Gwen and if she thinks your whinge is justified, she might just send you some cash – it’s that easy!

NOT SO HANDY Why can’t we buy kitchen gloves that are either right-handed or left? My cupboard is filled with left-handed gloves!

Lesley Castroninim, Cordeaux Heights, NSW

My friend Elsie is such a hypochondriac – she wears gloves when sending an email in case she gets a virus. She ordered a pair and they were the wrong size. I haven’t seen such fuss about a badly-fitting glove since OJ Simpson. My Uvula wears fingerless gloves. The only people who get away with those are Madonna and Freddy Krueger.

TIT FOR TAT

I looked after my friend’s child over the school holidays for free, but when it was her turn to babysit my son, she charged me!

Ashwin Devi, Glenfield, NSW

When the kids were small we employed a babysitter – or as I called her, the woman we pay to watch our TV and eat all our food. I wouldn’t say she was tough, but she made Hannibal Lecter look like Mary Poppins. We should have known she was dodgy when she said she was only available outside pub hours. You need to find better friends.

DATE DISASTER

My boyfriend promised he’d take me out to dinner, but then he changed his mind. Why do men always wriggle out of dates?

Upset Girlfriend, Emerald, Qld

Uvula also has this problem. As far as Cupid is concerned, she lives in a no-fly zone. The only man she chases now drives the ice-cream truck. But she doesn’t sleep alone – there’s a pile of laundry on the other half of the bed she’s too lazy to put away. Love is a form of amnesia, where a girl forgets there are three billion other men out there. Look for someone else.