that's life (Australia)

BACKEDUP!

When Barb, 58, ducked off to the loo she sent the plane into a panic

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Hearing a rumbling in my tummy I turned to my sister Trish. ‘I’m feeling a little off,’ I whispered.

Visiting her overseas for four weeks had taken its toll on my body.

We’d been indulging in meals out and fast food. That’s when I realised... ‘I haven’t been to the bathroom in four days!’ I hissed to Trish.

Handing me a box of pills, she told me to take one.

‘They’ll help you relieve yourself,’ she explained.

‘I don’t know, Trish...’ I said, knowing I was about to hop on a plane.

What if I caused an odour on the aircraft!

‘I might just wait until I get home,’ I said.

‘Don’t be silly, it’ll make you feel better,’ she replied.

Giving me a little book of matches, she explained that if I lit one and threw it in the toilet afterwards there would be no smell.

Hiding the matches in a secret pocket in my carry on, I took them through security.

I’d never put people in danger like that now, but back then, everyone wasn’t as security conscious.

If I take a pill now, it might unblock my bowels before the flight, I thought.

Washing it down with water, I sat impatientl­y tapping my feet, waiting for the medication to kick in.

But by the time of boarding, nothing had stirred.

Finding my seat in the middle of a row of three, I settled in.

Maybe everyone will be sleeping by the time it kicks in, I thought.

But three hours into the flight my stomach let out an almighty gurgle. I needed to go – now! ‘Excuse me,’ I said, jumping up from my seat.

Thankfully, the bathroom was free. And sitting down, the pains in my tummy finally eased.

After relieving myself, I got out a match, struck it against the box and popped it in the loo.

Making my way back to my seat I was feeling great.

But soon after, there was a commotion in the cabin.

‘Do you smell that?’ people were whispering.

‘I think it’s coming from the bathroom,’ others said.

Flaring my nose, a foul sulphuric smell burnt my nostrils.

‘Is it a bomb?’ a passenger asked.

Instantly everyone went into panic but I knew what the smell was! As it wafted out through the plane, my cheeks burned red.

Flight attendants started running around franticall­y calming the passengers while they tried to find the source of the smell.

Mortified, I sank into my seat. The odour was so bad, some people reached for their sick bags.

Finally, an announceme­nt came over the speaker.

‘This is your captain speaking,’ he announced. ‘There’s no cause for alarm, there was just a problem in one of the bathrooms.’

Everyone finally relaxed, sitting back in their seats. I let out a secret sigh of relief.

I felt horrible to send people into such a panic, but I just couldn’t own up to the terrible stench.

Trish laughed for about three days when I told her.

From now on I will be poopooing any ideas she has!

 ??  ?? ‘Is it a bomb?’ a passengera­sked
‘Is it a bomb?’ a passengera­sked
 ??  ??

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