BACKEDUP!
When Barb, 58, ducked off to the loo she sent the plane into a panic
Hearing a rumbling in my tummy I turned to my sister Trish. ‘I’m feeling a little off,’ I whispered.
Visiting her overseas for four weeks had taken its toll on my body.
We’d been indulging in meals out and fast food. That’s when I realised... ‘I haven’t been to the bathroom in four days!’ I hissed to Trish.
Handing me a box of pills, she told me to take one.
‘They’ll help you relieve yourself,’ she explained.
‘I don’t know, Trish...’ I said, knowing I was about to hop on a plane.
What if I caused an odour on the aircraft!
‘I might just wait until I get home,’ I said.
‘Don’t be silly, it’ll make you feel better,’ she replied.
Giving me a little book of matches, she explained that if I lit one and threw it in the toilet afterwards there would be no smell.
Hiding the matches in a secret pocket in my carry on, I took them through security.
I’d never put people in danger like that now, but back then, everyone wasn’t as security conscious.
If I take a pill now, it might unblock my bowels before the flight, I thought.
Washing it down with water, I sat impatiently tapping my feet, waiting for the medication to kick in.
But by the time of boarding, nothing had stirred.
Finding my seat in the middle of a row of three, I settled in.
Maybe everyone will be sleeping by the time it kicks in, I thought.
But three hours into the flight my stomach let out an almighty gurgle. I needed to go – now! ‘Excuse me,’ I said, jumping up from my seat.
Thankfully, the bathroom was free. And sitting down, the pains in my tummy finally eased.
After relieving myself, I got out a match, struck it against the box and popped it in the loo.
Making my way back to my seat I was feeling great.
But soon after, there was a commotion in the cabin.
‘Do you smell that?’ people were whispering.
‘I think it’s coming from the bathroom,’ others said.
Flaring my nose, a foul sulphuric smell burnt my nostrils.
‘Is it a bomb?’ a passenger asked.
Instantly everyone went into panic but I knew what the smell was! As it wafted out through the plane, my cheeks burned red.
Flight attendants started running around frantically calming the passengers while they tried to find the source of the smell.
Mortified, I sank into my seat. The odour was so bad, some people reached for their sick bags.
Finally, an announcement came over the speaker.
‘This is your captain speaking,’ he announced. ‘There’s no cause for alarm, there was just a problem in one of the bathrooms.’
Everyone finally relaxed, sitting back in their seats. I let out a secret sigh of relief.
I felt horrible to send people into such a panic, but I just couldn’t own up to the terrible stench.
Trish laughed for about three days when I told her.
From now on I will be poopooing any ideas she has!