Whinge of Week

Got a complaint? Send it to Grumpy Gwen and if she thinks your whinge is justified, she might just send you some cash – it’s that easy!

FESTIVE FEEDER

My whinge is that I always put on several kilos over the festive season, then spend months trying to lose them again!

Diane Evans, Nelson, NZ Uvula also has this problem. Last year she ate so much she went up a sock size and her clothes got so tight she could only communicate with eye blinks. Basically, there are four stages of life: 1. You believe in Santa.

2. You don’t believe in Santa. 3. You dress up as Santa. 4. You look like Santa. Now instead of snacking all day, Uvula chews sugar-free gum. Buy some on me.

THE GIFT OF LOVE

All I want to find under my Christmas tree is a good man! Please send me some cash so I can sign up with a dating agency.

L. Mitchell, Ballarat, Vic Uvula signed up with a dating service and was matched with a comfy armchair and a wide-screen TV. Now she’s convinced she’s part-squirrel as she attracts all the nuts. These days she posts all her dates on Instagram for her friends to vote on. It saves so much time. Normally it would take months to have her hopes raised then dashed again. Join a social group instead.

TABLE SCRAPS

I’m dreading the fights that the family always has when we get together at this time of year. Somehow old arguments always seem to rear their head.

Anxious, Mackay, Qld Everyone has too high expectations of December 25. My tight friend Meredith says Christmas is a baby shower that went overboard. This will be the fifth year in a row that her relatives are coming over. This time I really think she should let them in. Try to stay off topics that cause fights so you can keep the fond in the farewell. Merry Christmas to all!