Whinge of Week

Got a complaint? Send it to Grumpy Gwen and if she thinks your whinge is justified, she might just send you some cash – it’s that easy!

FUSSY FOODIES

Why are so many people eating gluten-free? I thought that was only necessary if you had coeliac disease.

J. Thompson, Townsville, Qld

My daughter Uvula has also gone gluten-free, in addition to being vegan and solely eating foods that are organic, non-GMO, low-carb, fat-free, and raw. The only thing she could order recently was a bowl of ice cubes. My younger daughter Hazel thinks ‘clean eating’ means after you’ve showered. Unless you have gluten sensitivity, this is just another ridiculous diet fad.

WHAT A WASTE!

Vodka is an expensive luxury, so I was appalled to read how one should mix it with water and essential oil to make ‘linen water’ to spray on sheets and make them smell fresh!

Ann Kidd, Tasman, NZ

When I told Uvula this, she almost cried. Her sheets smell of vodka anyway. Not that she’s an alcoholic, as they go to meetings. She goes to parties, so she’s more of a drunk. To Uvula, drinking responsibly means not spilling it. These hipsters should try drying their sheets on the line in the sun like us oldies.

NO WAY OUT

When I remove my sports bra after a workout, I almost dislocate my shoulders. Why can’t they be easier to take off?

Kim Sachse, Kardinya, WA

I heard magician Criss Angel practises getting out of a straight jacket by first escaping from a sports bra. Uvula swapped hers for a ‘highly supportive’ bra: it’s pre-recorded with messages like, ‘Not far to go now’ and ‘You’re better off without him’. A good bra is like a good friend – uplifting, hard to find and always close to your heart. Cash for one with a front zipper.