Oprah’s simple secret to true happiness
TV icon Oprah Winfrey has been working to find her life’s direction and purpose since she was 15 years old. Here she reveals how she discovered her true calling.
August 14, 1978.
It was a Monday, my first day working on a Baltimore talk show called People Are Talking. It was also the last day I had a job. Up until then, I’d been a news anchor and reporter. I knew I was not my authentic self. And my bosses certainly made no secret of their feelings. They told me I was the wrong colour, the wrong size, and that I showed too much emotion. I’ve always said that the best part about that experience was meeting my best friend, Gayle [King], who was a production assistant at the same station.
I could feel I was misplaced. Even though the six o’clock news was a time slot most young journalists covet, I was never fully comfortable in that seat. And when I look back at the tapes, I can still hear the pretend anchor voice I used on air.
It wasn’t until I was unceremoniously “demoted” to co-host of People Are Talking that I experienced the first spark of what it means to become fully alive.
During the show, I interviewed Tom Carvel, the Carvel ice-cream man, and the actor who played Benny on All My People. Not exactly glamorous, but as we talked, I felt lit up from inside, like I had come home to myself. When the hour ended, there was a sense of knowing resonating within my heart and radiating to the hairs on the back of my neck. My entire body told me this was what I was supposed to do. As a reporter, I’d been exhausted all the time.
I really had to drag myself in to work. But after one day on this local talk show, I was energised in a way that fuelled every cell of my being.
There was no doubt that the seeds of what was to give my life meaning and purpose had been planted. That day, my “job” ended and my calling began.
Years later, The Oprah Winfrey Show would achieve a level of success no one could have predicted. It was an exhilarating experience. And yet, another little kernel of knowing was revealing itself to me. Even at the show’s peak, I had a deep awareness that a supreme moment of destiny still awaited me. That’s why, after 25 years, I trusted my instinct when it told me, ‘This isn’t it. There’s something else.’ The show was my home, the audience was one of the great loves of my life, but I couldn’t ignore the flicker of certainty telling me it was time to move on.
My seeds of truth
The years following the end of the show brought many unexpected possibilities, and I had some daunting moments when creating a new cable network, OWN. Stopping to consider my own advice of turning challenges into opportunities is what allowed me to move forward.
Your life is not static. Every decision, setback, or triumph is an opportunity to identify the seeds of truth that make you the wondrous human being that you are. I’m not talking just about what you do for a living. When you pay attention to what feeds your energy, you move in the direction of the life for which you were intended. Trust that the Universe has a bigger, wider, deeper dream for you than you could ever imagine for yourself.
Growing up in the church, one of my favourite Bible parables was about the mustard seeds: If you have faith, even if it’s as little as a mustard seed, you can move mountains. Anything is possible. As a child, listening from my seat in church, this brought me so much comfort – just as it did when I was struggling as a reporter in Baltimore and as it still does today. The mustard seed is such a tiny speck of a thing. I am emboldened by the belief that all I need is a mustard seed of faith and no matter what, I am going to be all right.
As you begin to identify the seeds of knowing along your own path, the first question to ask yourself is, ‘What do I believe?’ Do you believe that you are worthy of happiness, success, abundance, fulfilment, peace, joy and love? What I know for sure is you become what you believe.
Powerful whispers
For me, the early days of 2018 will forever be marked by the devastating mudslides that swept through my community of Montecito, California. At least 21 people perished in the powerful avalanche of earth and debris that surged down the mountains in the aftermath of deadly wildfires and torrential rain. As I watched my neighbours gather to grieve, link arms, and ultimately endure, I was reminded of how, in a flash, your entire life can be changed forever. Natural disasters, illness, accidents and unexplained events – there are gut-wrenching moments occurring every day that can blindside even the most aware and bring us to our knees.
This experience has heightened my understanding of what “circumstances beyond our control” really means. And it has made me more attuned to what we truly have the power to control.
The mudslides were a phenomenon. There was no way to prevent the catastrophic tragedy that literally came crashing through people’s front doors. But that’s not the case for most personal struggles. Situations like job loss, financial problems, a painful breakup, or a chasm between you and your child might feel like a shock, but they rarely arrive without whispers along the way.
My voice within
Over the years, I have taken every opportunity I could to share one of my most cherished spiritual principles: Your life is always speaking to you. It speaks in whispers, guiding you to your next right step. And in many situations, the whisper is also the first warning. It’s a quiet nudge from deep within saying, ‘Hmm, something feels off’. A small voice that tells you, ‘This is no longer your place of belonging.’ It’s the pit in your stomach, or the pause before you speak. It’s the shiver, the goose-bumps that raise the hairs on the back of your neck.
Whatever form the whisper takes, it’s not a coincidence. Your life is trying to tell you something. Heeding these signs can open the doors to your personal evolution, pushing you toward your life’s purpose. Ignoring them – sleepwalking through your life – is an invitation to chaos.
Life is about growth and change, and when you are no longer doing either, you’ve received your first whisper. Pay attention to what makes you feel energised, connected and stimulated. Following your intuition, do what you love, and you will do more than succeed. You will soar.
My father, Vernon Winfrey, graduated from Hasla Barber College in 1963. After working a year and a half as an apprentice, he opened his own barber shop in Nashville, where he’s been a local fixture for the past
“Your life is always guiding you to your next right step.”
53 years. Before entering the barber college, he served in the army and held several other jobs, including as a janitor at Vanderbilt University. Both my mother, Vernita, and grandmother, Hattie Mae, were housekeepers.
I was raised knowing the value of a hard day’s work. And from an early age, I have always known I was responsible for myself. Where I came from, there was no backup plan or safety net. For better or worse, you made your own way.
My first job was at 15, as a babysitter making fifty cents an hour. The children were a handful, and the lady of the house always made sure to leave a big pile of clothes in her bedroom for me to clean up. Like clockwork, just before she left, she would turn to me and ask if I would mind “tidying things up”. When she came home – and neglected to give me anything extra for cleaning – I understood very well that this woman didn’t value my efforts. But I did. I valued my work and myself, and I decided that no matter how much or how little money I made, I would never let that define my worth. That babysitting job taught me my first valuable lesson about money: ‘I am not my salary.’
I gave up babysitting and moved to stocking shelves in a local store for $1.50 an hour. The pay was better, but I was not allowed to speak to the customers. I was known as the “talking child,” so this was clearly not a good fit.
I knew having a job where I had to stay silent was no way to earn a pay check. It felt like a betrayal of
myself. And even at 15, I was not willing to do that. The experience turned out to be another life lesson: ‘Sometimes knowing what you don’t want is as valuable as knowing what you do.’
My perfect fit
Eventually I moved on to work for my father, in a corner grocery store connected to his barbershop. I worked behind the counter selling penny candy. He didn’t pay me, but I was allowed to talk. You could even say that the camaraderie in the barbershop and store explains why, years later, it felt so natural to be among the Oprah Show audience, listening to stories.
I was still in high school when I was offered a job as a newsreader at the local radio station. They paid me $100 a week. That was a lot of money for a 17-yearold, but I would have done it for free. It felt like the perfect fit. Lesson number three: Know the joy of doing what you love and never stop pursuing it.
All these years later, I am still keenly aware that I am not my salary. I give thanks to every day for having the opportunity not only to make a living but to create what I see as an exquisite life. And I know that everyone needs a source of income in order to survive. But I have come to believe that one of the reasons I’ve enjoyed financial success is because my focus has never been on money.
For me, the great reward is the feeling of lasting contentment and self-respect that comes when you are living out the truth of who you are. Many times when people win the lottery and experience a windfall, they don’t see themselves as worthy of their newfound riches. They wind up spending on possessions to create an idea of self-worth. When you become blinded by the status symbols, it’s easy to lose sight of the unique gifts only you can offer the world.
What I know for sure is that no matter how much wealth you come to possess, everything passes and changes with time. What is real, what is forever, is who you are and what you are meant to share with the world.
That is your true treasure.
Simple intimacy
Some of the most meaningful experiences on The Oprah Winfrey Show happened when it was perfectly still, just a single person on the stage sharing a story so intimate you had to hold your breath just to hear it.
Years ago, I interviewed a grieving mother whose adult son had died after a long illness. You could have heard a pin drop in the studio when she so beautifully told the story of their final moment together. The mother had climbed into bed with her son. She could barely hear him, but her head was on his chest. As he took his last breath, he whispered, “Oh Mom, it is all so simple. It’s so simple, Mom.” He then closed his eyes and died.
I got chills when I heard that. I realised then, just as it resonates with me now: We allow life to get so complicated – when it’s really so very simple.
From that day forward I resolved to continually ask myself, ‘How am I making things more difficult than they need to be?’ Your answer to that same question is the next step in your path. It’s that simple. Imagine what lies just around the bend.
Can you see it? I can.
Love,
Oprah
“Never stop pursuing the joy of doing what you love.”