Pat McDermott:
The annual school quiz night offers lessons for both parents and teachers alike.
parents get put to the test at the annual school quiz night
“Good evening, everyone. I’m Miss Fogarty, Principal of Broadview Primary School. It’s wonderful to have you all at our annual Mother’s Day Quiz Night! Hi, Mrs Carmichael. Another Broadview baby on the way, I see! And Mr Dunstan, creeping in late, as usual …
“In honour of Mother’s Day, all of tonight’s questions are about the joy of raising children. Remember: all money raised will go to a good cause – the long-overdue wine fridge for the staffroom! The staff have put up with lukewarm chardonnay long enough. Okay, pens ready? Let’s see how much you know about raising kids!
“Yes, Mr Corcoran? Your felt pen has dried up? A pencil’s fine. No pencil? How about a crayon? You find crayons clunky and waxy? May I say how much you remind me of your son … Oh yes, I know Gregory! Everyone at Broadview, and for kilometres in all directions, knows Gregory. I’ll loan you my pen, Mr Corcoran, but do be careful with it. It was a gift in recognition of 40 years as a teacher. Yes, you’re right, that’s four decades I ‘won’t get back’. Just as well I loved every minute. Okay, good luck – the quiz starts now …”
Q1: What is the best use for kids’ artwork? a) wallpaper b) gift wrap c) bbq starter d) wrapping prawn shells
Q2: What should you do when kids put uniforms in the wash with tissues in the pockets? a) groan b) yell and follow up with a year of martyred sighs c) make kids pick tissue off their clothes while you watch TV d) all of the above
Q3: Who sat in the front seat of the car yesterday? a) the dog b) your mother-in-law c) the child who whines most d) the child who gets carsick
Q4: So who should sit there today? a) the dog
Q5: What will wake a sleeping child? a) Hurricane Freddy with gale-force winds and rain b) an invasion with guns and tanks c) you and your partner cuddling under a thick quilt
Q6: What should a mother always remember? a) things could be worse b) things will get better c) nothing lasts forever (except gum in hair) d) your mother told you there’d be days like this.
“Okay, time’s up, pens down! Before we break for tea – or chardonnay – here are the points for each answer…
Q1: Uses for kids’ artwork: a) wallpaper (2 points) b) gift wrap (4 points) c) bbq starter (6 points) d) wrapping prawn shells (1 point)
Q2: Tissues in the wash: a) groan (1 point) b) yell and follow up with a year of martyred sighs (2 points) c) make kids pick tissue off their clothes while you watch TV (4 points) d) all of the above (10 points)
Q3: Who sat in the front seat yesterday? a) the dog (1 point) b) your mother-in-law (3 points) c) the child who whines most (7 points) d) the child who gets carsick (0 points)
Q4: Who should sit there today? a) the dog (10 points)
Q5: What will wake a sleeping child? a) Hurricane Freddy with gale-force winds and rain (0 points) b) an invasion with guns and tanks (2 points) c) you and your partner cuddling under a thick quilt (20 points)
Q6: What should a mother always remember? a) things could be worse (1 point) b) things will get better (2 points) c) nothing lasts forever (except gum in hair) (5 points) d) your mother told you there’d be days like this (50 points).
“Drum roll … Mr Corcoran has won the quiz! He also kept my pen. I hope he gives it to Gregory one day.”