Great Scott!

Denise Scott discovers that her nude suit is her strong suit as she gives us all the intimate details of her latest stage performance.

This month I …

performed in the nude! When I say nude, I wore my nude suit – a flesh-coloured leotard (no arms or legs) with the nipples, pubic hair and bum crack drawn in on Texta. And, yes, I do know pubic hair is unfashionable – don’t judge me, it’s just the way I roll.

The nude suit was created 20 years ago for a show called Comedy is Still Not Pretty, written and performed by Judith Lucy, the late great Lynda Gibson and me. To be honest, we originally wore the nude suits in the hope they’d distract the audience from the fact our jokes were a bit crap, and may I say: mission accomplished!

Flash-forward to March 2021. I was on stage – fully clothed – at an art gallery, the Abbotsford Convent in Melbourne. I was performing at a women’s dinner to celebrate the Flesh After Fifty exhibition. My backdrop was a huge wall adorned with 422 glorious photos of women, all aged 50-plus, all naked, all taken by brilliant photographer Ponch Hawkes.

The curator of the exhibition had begged me to please wear my nude suit for the event, but as I told the audience: “Look, I’m 65 now, I’ve put on weight, my arthritic knees are swollen, my skin has goobies, so …” At which point I simply took off my clothes, revealed the nude suit underneath and exclaimed: “Of course I’ll wear it!”

To say the audience lost their collective mind is an understatement. Put it this way: Lady Gaga, eat your heart out. I felt tremendous.

So, if you’re suffering IWS – Invisible Woman Syndrome – I recommend you make yourself a nude suit (tip: keep your Texta work simple) and carry it in your handbag at all times. Who knows when it may come in handy?