Great Scott!

Denise Scott has suddenly developed a blind spot for her old friend Sam Pang.

This month I …

had an embarrassing encounter in a French bistro in Melbourne. In my defence, the light was dim. Or perhaps, as I’ve suspected for some time, my cheap, crap, 3.5 spectacles no longer cut the mustard, French or otherwise.

I was dining with my daughter Bonnie, enjoying a repast of green beans and almonds roasted in butter, creamy potato gratin and rich coq au vin. J’adore any food that is heart attack-inducing!

We chatted gaily, as one does in a French restaurant, when suddenly I noticed a man sitting at the bar, intently looking at moi. Next thing, he stood up and started sidling towards our table. “Don’t be alarmed,” I said to Bonnie, who was sitting with her back to the action, “but there’s an adoring fan heading this way. I mean, clearly I’m having a private tete-a-tete, but oh no, by all means come on over, buddy, and get a selfie with me, you rude, rude man!”

But he didn’t do that. Instead, he went and stood just behind me. Awkward or what? Then he slowly extended his right arm over my shoulder, leant across the table and helped himself to one of our bread rolls! Mon Dieu! Horrified, I turned around to confront the creep.

“How you going, Scotty?” It was Sam Pang from Have

You Been Paying Attention?. Sam Pang, with whom I’ve worked and socialised for years! He was grinning his head off, thrilled he’d pulled off a perfect “gotcha” moment. “You really didn’t recognise me, Scotty?” he asked.

“No Sam. I thought you were a deranged stalker,” I said. Bonnie added: “And I thought you were just a weird waiter.”

It was a humbling, albeit hilarious, c’est la vie moment for us all. And yes, I really must get those prescription multifocals ASAP.