Humour: Amanda Blair wants masks to go viral

They’re a necessary part of pandemic life, but should masks be here to stay?

Masks, they’ve become a “thing”. The final piece to any outfit, the accessory you must have even when you don’t want to accessorise. Nothing we can do about it, it’s the new world order. You want to go somewhere, get on public transport, do the weekly shop or take the Groodle out for some air (not a euphemism) you mask up.

I’ve heard much complaining about foggy glasses and the smell of your own coffee breath, but let’s face it, masks are better than the alternative – smelling somebody else’s coffee breath. Facts.

Here in SA we were late adopters to mask wearing. In fact, I was starting to get COVID FOMO. All my friends from interstate were sharing lockdown snaps of clean pantries, organised Tupperware cupboards, impeccable linen presses and perfectly manicured box hedges. The socials were filled with posts of board-game nights with the kids, family cook offs and a booty of sourdough batards. We’d had no time for any of that, no lockdown love-ins except for a 72-hour false start back in November 2020 which didn’t even give me time to organise the bathroom towel cupboard. I felt COVID was treating us like all the major rock and roll bands, touring theatrical productions and royal family members do – leaving us off the tour schedule whilst simultaneously telling us how much they wish they could be here …

But then it happened to us as it was always going to do. We got a lockdown and we got restrictions so we’re no longer the kid in the family who’s doing their own thing. We really are all in this together, like it or not.

So, I find the way to deal with any unfortunate event is to find the silver lining. Sure, we forget our masks all the time, they get caught in your hair and you have to repeat yourself 40 times because nobody can understand you, but come on guys. Cheer up. Could be worse.

So here’s a cut-out-and-keep list of reasons why we should turn our frowns upside down – even if nobody can see our smiles – and embrace the mask.

✓ Stray chin hairs IMMEDIATELY VANISH. No need to worry about tweezers, laser clinics or facial waxing. ✓ Double chins gone without need for protein-based diet. ✓ Same for pimples, cold sores and cracked lips. Gone also is the need for flossing/or brushing teeth or the worry about poppy seeds, spinach or corn cobs. Like a cappuccino but worry about chocolate remnants left on top lip? Worry no more, save some for licking later.

✓ If stuck at home with partner for an extended period and they’re telling the boring story you’ve heard 876 times, one can let out a yawn whilst continuing to look interested.

✓ Getting agitated when in a socially-distanced retail setting? Wanting to let out expletives about the cost of cucumbers or the music the 15-year-old shop assistant is playing loudly? YOU CAN because nobody can see your lips moving. I’ve found the mask particularly rewarding when overcome with urge to poke out tongue (mostly at my kids).

✓ You look younger instantly. You save money only applying make-up to half your face. No need for lipstick.

✓ You can talk to yourself without being judged or locked up. ✓ Perfect excuse to walk past somebody you don’t want to talk to. If they recognise you (doh!) you can easily use the “oh I didn’t recognise you behind the mask” excuse.

We’re being judged for our personalities, not our looks. We’re learning it’s what we do and who we are that matters. That ultimately we’re all the same behind the masks we wear (even if you’ve got a posh handmade one in Liberty print).

And that’s the best lesson of all. AWW