Great Scott!

Denise Scott joins the ‘raiders of the lost park’.

This month I sledgehammered a pot in order to free a root bound native orchid.

Now before you gardening experts start yelling, as one woman did on Twitter – “NATIVE ORCHIDS LOVE BEING ROOT BOUND. YOU’LL BE LUCKY IF IT EVER FLOWERS AGAIN!” - let me explain. The orchid was also being strangled by the roots of a giant Privet that had self-seeded in the same pot. I know! What a nightmare!

Maybe it was the result of being in and out of lockdown for the past 18 months and all the pent-up energy, anger and frustration that comes with that, but whatever it was, I suddenly felt this superhuman strength course through my arthritic, unexercised body. Before you could say:

“Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Is it a lockdown-venting mad woman?” I single-handedly dragged the heavy pot out of the garden, laid it on its side on the brick path, raised the sledgehammer and BAM! BAM! BAM! ... I smashed that pot to smithereens.

Then with a trowel and fork I hacked away at those privet roots like I’ve never hacked before, all the while cursing: “I hate you privet. You disgusting, invasive piece of %$#^!” Meanwhile I reassured the orchid: “My sweet beauty, I know this is hurting now but soon I’ll have you liberated from this monster, and come spring you’ll be free to bloom like never before.”

Finally with my bare hands and one super almighty pull, I wrenched the whole privet from the orchid and hurled it into our green bin.

Oh yeah, lockdown has turned me into Indiana Jones.