The lost art of play

For many, having fun at Christmas falls off the bottom of our endless to-do lists. Here, Jo Hartley explores how we can reconnect with our sense of play.

Ilean over the side of the pool fence, watching my son perform his latest stunt. I try not to twitch. “Come and play!’ he yells. I shake my head. “Maybe later, I’ve got stuff to do.” Stuff means washing, work, phone calls, making dinner, more work, lunch prep … the list goes on. The truth is, I don’t really have time for fun. And I’m not alone. Research shows many adults believe life is the least fun after 45. “I want to have fun, but I’m too tired when the time comes,” one friend admits. “We’re like the police of our family, always planning, watching out and protecting. That doesn’t equate to fun.” Partly because fun involves stepping out from underneath that mental load and being in the moment. For many women, that feels like a luxury they can’t afford.

Still, the wellness spoils – and potential for a much jollier Christmas period – are too good to give up. Many studies have shown play relieves stress, boosts creativity and mood, fuels imaginations, and keeps brains sharp. A study in the European Journal of Humour also found play resulted in higher life satisfaction. This could be the most pleasurable way to get healthy yet!

Back to the start

In a recent episode of her podcast We Can Do Hard Things author Glennon Doyle revealed: “I understand what rest is. I understand what work is. I understand what self-care is. But what is fun?” That’s a very good question. One reason she believes we lose touch with our sense of play might be linked to societal pressure and how we want to be perceived. “From a young age, females are taught to be self-conscious and feel like they’re always productive,” observes Glennon.

For that reason, one of the most effective ways to have more fun is to prescribe it. “This is about being more proactive than reactive,” says psychologist Dr Marny Lishman. In other words, don’t wait for the urge to join in the revelry. Obviously, writing “have fun” on your to-do list won’t cut it. But what could get you in the moment is blasting your favourite tunes through the house as guests arrive for festive drinks, indulging in a hobby with friends, or ditching the turkey-basting duties and putting your feet up.

Mindset shift

“We often associate play with children, while adults step into the role of ‘fun police’,” says Dr Lishman, noting some women view playing as being immature or irresponsible. In actual fact, we’re still capable of fun, it’s just what constitutes a good time has changed.

“If a woman has a moment to sit down, often it’s to rest, relax and rejuvenate,” she says. “It’s about doing something for themselves, like reading, having a bath, having a drink with a friend or watching a TV show.” Simply accepting that what fun looks like for you might not be the same as everyone else, that’s half the battle won.

Playful people

To figure out activities to bring play to your life, try identifying your dominant playful personality trait, as detailed in a study in the journal Personality and Individual Differences. There are four: Other-directed play is when you enjoy playing with other people (join a sports team); light-hearted play means you’re more relaxed and like to go with the flow; intellectual play relates to wordplay and problem-solving (sudoku is your friend); whimsical players like doing unusual things in everyday life (ceramics course, anyone?).

Let it go

Yes, juggling the competing demands of work, kids, relationships and hosting relatives for Christmas get-togethers may feel never ending. I rush around doing all the ‘invisible’ work. I don’t give myself much reprieve. And when I do, I’m certainly in no mood for play. But is that half my problem?

“The busier we are, the more controlled we feel and the more we seek to control other parts of our life, even if it works against us,” says Dr Lishman. “Many women fear if they’re not on the ball, things will fall apart. But often this is enabling others to keep behaving a certain way.” In other words, we need to stop holding space for everyone else to have fun … while replenishing the chips and dip. Allowing others to help and share the burden, says Dr Lishman, makes more room for you to have fun and show everyone a more playful side of who you are. Point taken.

The next time my son asked me to go for a swim, I dropped the washing, took a deep breath, and jumped into the water. When I emerged to his giggling face, he said: “See, I told you it was fun, didn’t I, Mum?”