Put down phones for the kids
MAKE it a priority to expose your child to the uncomfortable side of life.
Not through cruelty or depriving them of food and water but those human interactions punctuated by awkwardness where the only thing that will save you is practise.
And by this I mean practise, in front of your kids, at being a charming human who can navigate the slings and arrows and faux pas of face-toface conversations.
This is your duty as a parent because, if a recent study into mobile phone use is any guide, we have a young generation mute on our hands.
Now, teens’ vice-like grip on smartphones is no secret.
But what’s interesting is that phones aren’t used primarily by young people to make phone calls anymore.
The art of conversation now is frankly less important in 2017 than the efficient getting of information.
And that’s before we get to the issue of society’s PC paralysis, where it is nigh on impossible to air an opinion that hasn’t already been signed off by the Thought Police.
This week a survey from the British communications regulator revealed that 15 per cent of 16-24-yearolds don’t want to use their phone to speak to people. The attitude is: tell me what you want via a text and, if it is important, I will get back to you.
Ofcom found teenagers would even message people sitting in the same room, within arm’s reach.
This conversation choke is a serious problem in Australia too, clawing at the seams of society and threatening to unravel how we function together. Rather than be themselves and all the awkward lessons that brings, young people want to curate their responses with an instantaneous but precise control over what and when they say it.
Never has it been more important for kids to be heard rather than seen, in contrast to the old line about being seen and not heard. And that’s because talking is not just words.
We have to encourage the next generation to operate unplugged and unedited while they exercise the muscles in their face and brain and read social cues in expressions and body language.
This will also help them to understand how to appropriately manage conflict and face-to-face confrontation. With texting they lose the whys, the colours and the emotion.
All of a sudden conversation becomes a black and white exchange of words to convey information, stripped of learning how to read other people.
As each generation slips further into the online world, will we evolve to the point where we rarely speak?
I have a colleague who says he absorbed invaluable tips on how to deal with a variety of people just by casually listening to his eloquent father on the telephone.
As a child, I never knew what the other person said when my mum rang to offer her condolences to an acquaintance or family member. I just watched transfixed at mum’s shapeshifting voice and body language.
If we are to engage our children, we need to show them we can do it too. Otherwise imagination and initiative are the victims and we know these skills are crucial. Being able to tolerate the discomfort is not something kids will survive unless we as their parents make it a priority.
In the normal course of adolescent development, they would be able to practise asserting themselves and forming independent opinions. Mobile phones have changed all that.
As adults now we at least have experience talking to strangers when forced to.
But how do you develop those skills if you’ve had a phone to stare at every time you didn’t want to make eye contact?
If you can’t just force the issue, take baby steps. Instead of dragging them kicking and screaming to the dinner table, go out for a meal and leave all devices locked away in the glove box, or better still at home.
When was the last time you had a face-to-face conversation with your bestie or are you guilty of taking your phone to the table (assuming you eat as a family at a table every other night) just in case you get “that important message”?
Have we taken the road of “Well, if I can’t beat them, I might as well do it myself”?
NEVER HAS IT BEEN MORE IMPORTANT FOR KIDS TO BE HEARD RATHER THAN SEEN, IN CONTRAST TO THE OLD LINE ABOUT BEING SEEN AND NOT HEARD