KEYS TO GUIDE TEENAGE DAUGHTERS

PROVIDING THE RIGHT EXAMPLES AND SUPPORT NETWORK FOR YOUR TEENAGE DAUGHTERS MAY BE

RAISING children can be one of the hardest things we’ll ever do.

Some people say raising sons is hard. Others say raising daughters is tough.

As a dad to six daughters, girls can be challenging – and the data shows it’s true.

Recently, I conducted a survey in which I spoke to 370 girls about being a teen today; wellbeing, relationships, school, alcohol and other drugs, sex, parents … the lot.

Based on those interviews, here are five tips for parenting:

1Recognise your importance As our girls grow it’s easy for parents to underestimate their influence.

But almost all girls say that parents, especially mothers, are their biggest role models.

Studies show the way a mother acts has a large influence on her daughter’s behaviour. Think of it like this: when your daughter looks at you, she’s looking in a mirror. How you react, interact and speak with others teaches her how to behave.

2Let her make mistakes Too often we dive in to stop our daughters making mistakes.

Even if we do stand back, once the mistake is made we often jump in to fix it.

Of course, we should be there to discuss how things went wrong and how she

might do things differently next time. But let her figure out how to make her mistakes right.

The personality traits most strongly associated with success in life are being open to new experiences and being conscientious. Those characteristics can be developed through making mistakes and working out how to fix them.

3Teach her to love her body The number one concern that arose for teen girls was body image. This is no surprise.

Our girls struggle under a constant body image onslaught. And we have unwittingly added to that.

A 2012 study found when parents talked about calories when they ate, or commented on the size of their thighs, their kids were more dissatisfied with their own bodies, no matter their weight or size.

This obsession leads to “self-objectification” whereby a girl constantly monitors her body from an outsider’s perspective – leading to extreme self-consciousness.

Self-consciousness uses up valuable resources, leading to worsened performances on cognitive tests and in physical activities.

Beauty Redefined founder Dr Lindsay Kite says: “Positive body image isn’t that your body looks good, it’s knowing that your body IS good regardless of how it looks.”

We can help our girls by accepting

compliments graciously, by talking openly about the great things our bodies do and by getting into our swimsuits!

4Help her develop great friendships Friendships are the number one source of joy and of devastation for our girls.

Even more, having friends affects our physical health, so much so that close friendships actually help us live longer.

We can help our girls by modelling what it takes to be a good friend (with the added benefits great friendships will give to us too!).

5Help her find a passion Researcher Peter Benson discovered that this single thing helps protect the wellbeing of our young people and gives them a reason to be alive.

It instils confidence and helps them withstand both school and peer pressure, and it increases wellbeing.

To find their spark, our girls need three things: a parent who helps them find it, an adult who encourages them (coach or music teacher) and the opportunity to do it.

One last thing. The number one thing the girls in my study want their parents to know is this – even when they are at their worst, and your relationship is strained, angry or even ugly, they love you. Deeply.

Find the time to connect. She needs it, because she needs you.