Parenting by the numbers
THEY MIGHT NOT QUITE BE THE TEN COMMANDMENTS, BUT THESE 25 LESSER-KNOWN RULES FOR PARENTING CAN HELP YOU MUDDLE THROUGH, WRITES PARENTING EXPERT
WHEN it comes to kid-wrangling, life can get tricky.
Our children don’t always follow the ‘‘instruction guide’’, even when it’s written by an expert and based on the very best research. It’s at times like this that we rely on instinct – which often leads us in precisely the wrong direction, possibly rupturing our relationships as we struggle with impatience – or we turn to those simple tips and tricks that all-too-often escape our minds until it’s too late.
I recently asked followers of my Happy Families Facebook page to share some of their best, most underrated parenting tips. From the hilarious (well-timed farts) to the sweet (hugging it out), Happy Families parents certainly had a lot to offer!
Here are 25 of the top tips:
Podcasts and audiobooks in the car to stop sibling fighting. They must agree on what to listen to or take turns picking and be quiet through each other’s selection.
Downtime, quiet time or naptime. Everyone needs downtime, regardless of their age (even mum and dad!).
Use these phrases:
When things seem too far gone – ‘‘It’s an easy fix’’;
When they’ve hurt someone – ‘‘How can we fix that?’’; and When there is a breakdown between members of the family or friends – ‘‘Let’s start fresh’’.
Give instructions or requests through song. The only way to get you to stop, is to do what you’ve asked.
Keep them fed. Hungry kids are grumpy kids.
Just add water. Baths, pools, water tables, hoses – water play keeps everyone ‘‘cool’’.
When your children want something you can’t or won’t buy them, take a picture for them instead. Tell them you’ll add it to the Christmas list if that is a commitment you can keep.
When you want your children to move fast, say ‘‘Quick!
I’ll time you!’’
Let your kids start over when things go wrong – without recrimination.
Get outside. Cranky kids need to get outside. Nature is fuel for the soul.
Silence. We all need silence sometimes. Especially if what we want to say instead will do more harm than good.
Don’t underestimate the power of a hug. When our children are upset and angry, give them a hug.
Sock Olympics. Dump the bag of socks from the laundry on the floor and make matching them up a competition.
Never tell the kids what you’re going to do until it’s time, so they aren’t disappointed if plans change.
Send teens a goodnight text after they’ve gone to bed. This often leads to a text chat and sometimes a real chat at a time when everything is quiet and peaceful.
Goggles in the bath and shower for hair washing eliminates burning eyes and screaming kids. (I LOVE this one. I wish I’d known about it when my children were younger.)
Offer strategic choices. Instead of saying, ‘‘Do you want to get dressed now?’’ say, ‘‘Do you want to wear the blue shorts or the yellow dress?’’
Use ‘‘sure, I’d love to’’. Teach your children that ‘‘Sure, I’d love to!’’ is the only response when mum and dad ask them to do something. But give it back by saying the same as often as possible when they ask for something from you.
Apologise when you get things wrong. And you will.
Keep spare clothes and swimmers in the boot of the car, ‘‘just in case’’. You’ll be ready for all the adventures (and misadventures) of childhood.
Have an ‘‘if you’re bored’’ chores list. Offer it up every time you hear, ‘‘I’m bored …’’
Have dance parties – tidyup dance parties, breakfast dance parties, homework dance parties. Dancing makes everything more joyful.
Laughter. Sometimes laughing or crying are your only options but laughing feels much better!
Have your kids hold hands when they’re fighting. Gentle physical touch defuses a lot of anger.
And of course, from Maggie Dent, remember the value of a well-timed fart!
There are times when careful conversations and empathy are the best – maybe the only – way to defuse a tricky situation. But sometimes we don’t need the sophisticated parenting advice. We just need to connect, listen, touch, smile, hug and show we care. And when all else fails, remember that kids spell LOVE, T-I-M-E.