HAVE A LAUGH

IT IS not Christmas without some terrible Christmas cracker jokes. Here are some of our favourite.

■ What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney? Claustrophobia!

■ What do they sing at a snowman’s birthday party? Freeze a jolly good fellow

■ Why did Santa’s helper see the doctor?

Because he had a low “elf” esteem!

■ What happened to the man who stole an Advent Calendar?

He got 25 days!

■ What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck? A Christmas Quacker!

■ What is the best Christmas present in the world?

A broken drum, you just can’t beat it!

■ How did Scrooge win the football game?

The ghost of Christmas passed!

■ What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees? Horn-aments!

■ Why are Christmas Trees like bad knitters?

They keep loosing their needles!

■ Why did the turkey join the band?

Because it had the drumsticks!

■ How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas?

One that’s deep pan, crisp and even!

■ What did Adam say to his wife on the day before Christmas?

It’s Christmas, Eve!

■ What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?

Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!

■ Why did no one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay?

Because they were two deer!

■ What did Father Christmas do when he went speed dating?

He pulled a cracker!

■ How did Mary and Joseph know that Jesus was 7lb 6oz when he was born?

They had a weigh in a manger!

■ Why is it getting harder to buy Advent calendars?

Because their days are numbered!