On your marks, set ...
Ten things you’ll hear at every athletics carnival
1. Teachers gone mad with the power of new accessories
Megaphones, stopwatches, clipboards, whistles. Your child’s mild-mannered Year 3 teacher will be prowling the oval with all of the above and wielding the power of it like Donald Trump realising he has the power of the presidential pardon.
2. You will hear the words “marshalling area” a lot
There will be a lot of talk about the marshalling area: go to the marshalling area, please assemble in the marshalling area, you should be in the marshalling area, why aren’t you in the marshalling area?
If you’re wondering what this magical place is, it’s the place they send kids to sit and line up before they stand to line up before they ultimately line up for their race, after which they will line up to record their house points with a teacher holding a clipboard and a stopwatch.
3. The same five kids will win everything
At the primary school level, it’s not about skill or training, it’s more about who is just lucky enough to have a natural knack for running fast. Generally, that’s the kid with the longest legs. It will actually get quite boring watching the same handful of long-legged kids win everything regardless of preparation.
4. Everyone will get a ribbon and no one will really care about their ribbon
Notwithstanding the Kindy/ Prep kids (who just love anything shiny and are too young to figure out that a ribbon doesn’t make you special), everyone will collect their “participation ribbon” in the bored fashion that categorises this generation of kids who routinely get certificates for turning up and breathing.
5. There will be a lot of talk about “house points”
Along with the words “marshalling area” you will hear the words “house points” a lot. At the beginning of the day house points are something to be strived for via excellence in athleticism.
By the end of the day house points will be winnable by random acts of compliance: picking up rubbish, getting to the marshalling area quickly, cheering the loudest, being a good sport when you come dead last and going over there.
6. There will be a lot of pressure on you to enter the “fun” parents’ race
If you are naive enough to let yourself be coerced into this, you will regret it as soon as the gun goes off.
You will find yourself puffing at the halfway mark wondering where your fitness went. (It came out of your body with your kids, in case you’re wondering.)
Also worth looking out for is the fake “let’s just have fun with it” lady. As you are lining up for the parents’ race, one of your new mum friends will make a pact with you to just “have fun with it” and not really compete with each other. Rest assured, she will be the one who shoots off like a hare at the starter’s gun and bolts her way unashamedly to victory.
7. There will be a lot of halfarsed, random chanting
But there will be one house who has scored the teacher who knows how to motivate crowds. Even if you are not the sort of person who likes to join in, you will find yourself wishing you were sitting in their section.
8. The 1500m will become a free-for-all “walkathon” for those kids who can’t be bothered competing properly
When it’s compulsory to enter one other race as well as your age-defined sprint, the easiest thing to do is to walk your way around the track five times in pursuit of the 1500m finish line.
9. There will be one teacher on the PA all day, really enjoying his or her time in the sun
If you are lucky, this teacher will morph into a game show host with all the attendant quips, one-liners and charisma. If you are unlucky this teacher will embrace the task with all the enthusiasm of a train platform announcement.
10. Your kid will spend the whole time nagging you for canteen money
There’s a lot of pressure on parents to join in and be part of the school spirit at these events. And with that is the suggestion that it will really mean something to your child if you turn up.
But unless athletics is your child’s “thing”, in reality this is what your presence means for your child:
An all-day-available wallet to hoover for the junk food at the shop
Being able to go home early, straight from the oval, as opposed to going back to school on the bus.
For more, visit www.kidspot.com.au.