HAVE A LAUGH

STITCH UP

WALKING up to a department store’s fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, “I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?”

“Only one kiss per yard,” replied the smirking male clerk.

“That’s fine,” replied the girl. “I’ll take ten yards.”

With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, he clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then held it out teasingly.

The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a little old man standing beside her, “Grandpa will pay the bill,” she smiled.

DIVINE LANGUAGE

A FRIEND of mine was having a bit of marital-tension in his household and was trying to figure out just what to do about it.

In the course of our conversation, I said to him, “You know, quite often God speaks to us through our wives.”

My friend looked at me and said, “Oh yeah? Well I’m pretty sure God doesn’t use that kind of language!”

MIGHTY MOUSE

THREE mice are sitting at a table in a pretty rough neighbourhood late at night trying to impress each other about how tough they are.

The first mouse turns to the second mouse and says, “When I see a mousetrap, I lie on my back and set it off with my foot. When the bar comes down, I catch it in my teeth, bench press it twenty times to work up an appetite, and then make off with the cheese.”

The second mouse replies, “Yeah, well, when I see rat poison, I collect as much as I can, take it home, grind it up to a powder, and add it to my coffee each morning so I can get going for the rest of the day.”

The first and second mouse then turn to the third mouse who let out a long sigh and said, “I don’t have time for this. I’ve got a date with the cat.”