HAVE A LAUGH

OFFICIALDOM

A FAMOUS Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name missing from the town register.

His wife insisted on complaining to the local civic official, who apologised profusely saying, “I must have taken Leif off my census.”

CHOICE WORDS

Our favorite restaurant has a waitress whose name-tag reads “Beautiful”.

“Is that really your name?” I asked her. “No,” she admitted. “But if people are going to holler at me all day, I can at least be called something I like.”

HONEYMOON IS OVER

My wife, a registered nurse, once fussed over every pain or mishap that came my way.

Recently, however, I got an indication that the honeymoon is over. I was about to fix the attic fan, and as I lifted myself from the ladder in the attic, I scratched my forehead on a crossbeam.

Crawling along, I picked up splinters in both hands, and I cut one hand replacing the fan belt.

On the way down the ladder, I missed the last two rungs and turned my ankle.

When I limped into the kitchen, my wife took one look and said, “Are those your good pants?”

POOR EXCUSES

A teenage girl had just been given family-car privileges. One Friday night she returned home very late from a party.

The next morning her father went out to the driveway to get the newspaper and came back into the house frowning. At 11.30am the girl sleepily walked into the kitchen, and her father asked her, “What time did you get in last night?”

“Not too late, Dad,” she replied nervously. Dead-panned, her father said, “Then I’ll have to talk to the paperboy about putting my paper under the front tire of the car.”