Simple pleasure of taking time to talk
IT’S Sunday afternoon. I often use part of each Sunday to get my Wednesday column down on paper. It might mean that what you are now reading is already out of date, but I doubt it!
Deciding what I should write always begins with possible topics on which I could expand. This choice is easily the most difficult decision that I have to make. The next 625 words usually follow relatively easily. Years of giving lectures and presenting academic papers have given me some fluency in talking or writing rubbish once I have decided on the topic.
I often know very little about how the current column will finish and I often find that the column, as eventually presented to The Chronicle, is not what I expected or what I had preplanned. If at least a part of what I write makes sense then I am relieved as well as being surprised!
My wife and I have just enjoyed a Sunday lunch prepared by our daughter’s partner and we put the world to rights on many different issues.
I have often written about the importance of friends and the simple pleasure of talking together, with or without food or drink. Some people find conversation with others to be a chore. I don’t! There is much to be gained exploring other people’s minds, listening to what they have to say and making a contribution to it oneself.
It is amazing how many people “open up” as the conversation develops and they can even be surprised by what they talk about. It sometimes can take several conversations before they realise the significance of what they have been doing. They are sometimes surprised that others are just as interested in their conversations.
For example, I found at the university that colleagues on the lecturing staff often casually said things that showed a new light on what really interested other staff members. I also got surprising insights into the things that students really cared about.
During my 14 or so years as chair of the Empire Theatre, casual conversation and shared rehearsal space showed me what makes people want to go on stage. I sometimes had the feeling that the stage performance provided our cast members with opportunities to be themselves and to do or be what they have always secretly desired.
It is just as well really, because performance requires players who can feel free to be somebody else and, at the same time, to uncover aspects of their own characters without embarrassment. They often surprise themselves with their own talents after being given freedom to come to the fore.
I’m not talking about people who “show off ” for the sake of showing off. I’m talking about the sense of freedom that comes from pretending to be somebody else.
Talking at lunch today with three women gave this old man a chance to listen to “women’s things” and was a great insight into the way they think. I’m all for it!
There is nothing like a plate of food cooked by somebody else to make you realise what they like or don’t like. We should all do it more often and take the opportunity to listen to new things in a non-controversial way. Rather like when talking with the Empire Theatre staff, I welcome the chance to try to work out how people think!
All this was preceded by a phone call at 4am from my brother in the UK. He had used my number instead of that belonging to a friend! The time difference meant that we were trying to sleep when he was trying to eat, but it was still good to hear from him and his wife, daft though the time was!