Stay cool, stay positive and, please, stay home

WHILE we’re all going through unprecedented upheaval because of this invading virus, remember there’s always a silver lining.

Personally, I’ve been trying to get my mates to practice social distancing for years.

Anyone who has had a session with my mob at the pub certainly understands the benefits of ensuring there’s a 1.5m buffer zone between you and a bunch of beer swilling, middle-age gas producers.

I only hope social distancing becomes a thing, and it is continued in social circles once this pandemic is over.

However, while I agree with the banning of shaking hands during these times, I can’t really fathom the idea of nudging elbows as an acceptable greeting.

After all, don’t they tell us that if we’re going to cough or sneeze, then to cough or sneeze into our elbow?

And then they recommend we replace shaking hands with nudging elbows? Sort of defeats the purpose doesn’t it?

Of course, just because the pubs are shut and we have to stay at home doesn’t mean we can’t still enjoy a beer with mates.

We can always share a beer over the phone, and I’ve told my mates that and encouraged them to keep in touch and have a beer over the phone.

All they have to do is drop off some beer onto my front door step, then head home and call me when they’re ready to have a beer and a chat.

I know, I’m just such a caring friend.

Actually, that arrangement would be good for my mates Mick and Morgan because neither of them likes to shout so having a beer over the phone away from the pub and the abuse when they miss a shout would probably suit them.

Now, I realise being cooped up at home isn’t ideal for some, but we’ve just got to exercise extra patience and tolerance so that a day/night at home doesn’t end in argument, insult or divorce. We’ve only been home-bound for a week, and already there have been squabbles at my place.

My neighbours must be shaking their collective heads upon hearing shouting coming from my home with taunts of “It’s not my turn to do the dishes”, “Pick your bloody clothes up off the floor”, “What’s that smell? Is that you?”, “You really suck, you know that!” and worse.

And, I live alone.

But, as I said, there are positives to being stuck at home by order of the government.

You know those mornings after when you’re laying about on the couch, hungover or just tired, and you look around the room to see clothes on the floor, dust on the TV, the odd cobweb in the corner of the lounge and a cockroach making off with a piece of cheese … then you get a phone call from an old friend who wants to come over for a catch up.

“Oh no,” you think, “Now, I’ll have to get up and tidy the place before she/he arrives.”

Well, thanks to the COVID-19 shut-in, you can simply put those people off by saying: “Oh, I’d love to catch up with you but I can’t have you over – it’s the law!”

So, it’s not all bad news and like anything, it’s what you make it.

Anyway, stay cool, stay positive and stay home.

I’VE BEEN TRYING TO GET MY MATES TO PRACTICE SOCIAL DISTANCING FOR YEARS.