TIME TO GET REAL, LOVE

FIVE THINGS TO CONSIDER BEFORE GOING ON A SOCIALLY DISTANCED DATE

With restrictions gradually easing around the country, it’s a longawaited opportunity for us to start dating in person again. Some might even be hoping virtual lockdown loves will turn into something more.

As we enter this next phase, however, it’s important to keep in mind that there will be changes for what it means to ‘date’, particularly when we take social distancing into account.

To help us adapt to this new normal, we spoke with relationship expert, sexologist and guest host of Comvita’s Wellness from Home sessions, Nikki Goldstein, to help us understand how our dating lives may have changed and what we might expect for our romantic futures. Ahead, her top five points to consider. Grab a pen, you’ll want to take notes.

1. DISCUSSING HEALTH RISKS CAN HELP WITH TRUST AND INTIMACY

It’s now more important than ever to practise safe and healthy habits as you start to date again. If you are being physically intimate with others, make sure you are asking questions and encouraging transparency about their health, whether that be to do with their sexual health or other aspects that might put you at risk. Given the current climate, many people have been avoiding their regular sexual health check-ups and testing. Don’t be afraid to start that conversation – not only can it establish healthy boundaries, it is important to building trust within the relationship.

2. KNOW HOW YOU WANT TO APPROACH DATING

In this new era, there will likely form two distinct groups – those who will easily adjust back into the dating scene, and those who may be feeling the effects of isolation and are potentially holding on to anxieties around physical contact and in-person dates.

It’s important to recognise these groups and determine which group you or the people you are speaking to fit into. For those in the latter category, be conscious of easing back into dating and try to do so at a pace that is comfortable for you – sticking with lowcommitment dates to begin with – such as an afternoon walk with a coffee. Remember, don’t be afraid to share your concerns, your date may be feeling the same.

3. YOU CAN DISCARD THE DINNER DATE

With social distancing now part of our everyday vocabulary, our traditional ideas of date night have had to shift. It is a great opportunity to explore alternative date ideas that don’t mean you are stuck to the traditional, face to face, intense eye contact of the dinner date. Try to find something that is less pressured and enables you to meet and connect with your new partner in a way that works for you both.

While walks or the casual coffee date may be less formal, they can often be a fantastic way to introduce yourself as it helps reduce the pressure of meeting for the first time and gives you an easy option out if the date doesn’t pan out as you hoped.

4. TAKE TIME TO PAUSE

With in-person dates now possible again, it’s important to take a pause before you rush out. Consider the idea of valuable dating – slowing down and asking whether you have a deeper connection with someone that you can see extending into the real world, beyond the virtual.

Before meeting in person, assess whether you have common hobbies and interests or if banter flows easily – so when you do see them in person, you’ve built up a strong connection.

5. IT’S OK TO HAVE A NEW TIMELINE

With isolation providing ample time for reflection, many of us have been able to reassess who and what we want and when. While many have previously focused on following the accepted timeline that ticks off travel, career, financial and relationship goals in quick succession, these past few months have likely thrown a lot of these plans into disarray.

With these timelines altered, what you want for the future may also have shifted – in some cases dramatically so. If you are finding yourself with different needs and wants, be conscious that your old habits may not satisfy you as they once did. Ask yourself questions like, ‘Is this something I want?’, ‘Am I satisfied with how they make me feel?’ or ‘Is there something I’m missing?’.

Don’t be afraid to go toward those things that will satisfy you – whether it be holding off on dating until you find the right person or deciding to make that ‘next big step’, such as maybe moving in with a partner or starting to try for a baby.