CAT TO BLAME FOR BABY
A BLOKE is in shock after his wife fell pregnant and realised the cat was to blame because it made holes in his condoms.
The dad-to-be explained he and his wife welcomed their first child, a boy, last year, but the pregnancy was stressful due to pre-eclampsia and their son being born two months early.
Due to this and the current pandemic, the couple decided to hold off having their second child, and moved to condoms as a form of birth control as his wife felt sick on the pill.
Posting the bizarre tale to Reddit, he wrote: “We thought rubbers would be enough, but that’s where our cat comes in …”
He explained their ginger tom was an “evil genius”, that got into every drawer, cabinet and door.
“It’s so bad that for weeks after adopting him I thought there was a poltergeist in the house because each morning I’d wake up to find every single cabinet door in the kitchen wide open,” the bloke said.
He revealed he usually stored the condoms in the bathroom drawer with his Q-tips, which the cat loved to shred.
“He must have seen the box of Q-tips in the drawer when I put my rubbers away, because not even an hour later I stumbled upon a horrific scene of chewed plastic straws, shredded cotton fluff and shiny gold condom wrappers scattered around the gapping drawer that once contained them …” the dad of one said.
“I didn’t think anything of it at the time and just cleaned up the destroyed Q-tips and put the condoms that had spilled everywhere back into their box without a concern in the world.”
Later that night he grabbed one of the condoms “thinking nothing of what happened earlier”.
That was until three weeks later, when his wife began to experience pregnancy symptoms such as nausea.
She still had some pregnancy tests, and to her horror they all came back positive.
The pair were puzzled as to how it could have happened, until the bloke remembered the cat getting into the condom drawer.
“I ran over to bathroom drawer where I kept the condoms, dumped out the box on the counter and started to inspect each miserable little foil square,” he wrote.
“Sure enough, several had noticeable scratches, teeth marks, and even full blown punctures in them …
“Which leads me to f--k-up number two, not checking to see if the cat chewed on any of my rubbers weeks before when he had gotten into that drawer …”
The pair are now getting ready to welcome their second child, the bloke adding: “Can’t wait to explain to my new son or daughter one day that they owe their existence to the family cat!”