6 ways to build TRUST
HOW TO PREDICT SOMEONE’S BEHAVIOUR IN AN UNPREDICTABLE WORLD
Robin Dreeke knows a thing or two about reading people and knowing who to trust. As the retired chief of the FBI Counterintelligence Behavioural Analysis Program, a recruiter of Russian spies, and a recognised global behavioural expert, he has a deep understanding of human motivations and behaviours.
And he says in a post-pandemic world filled with uncertainty, fears, and challenges, we are all seeking individuals we can trust, connect with, and provide the psychological safety all humans crave.
Unfortunately he says most of us assess trustworthiness subjectively, based on our “gut feeling” and often fail in our evaluations.
“The result is distrust, ruined relationships, and cynicism. We need a more objective method for assessing who to trust and actionable techniques to forge the trust, relationships, and connections we need to thrive in every aspect of our lives,” Dreeke says.
He adds that assessing those around us is much simpler than you may think, and you don’t need advanced degrees or years of research. However, it is challenging because of our egos.
“The first step is recognising this basic fact – humans will always act in their own best interests in terms of their safety, security, and prosperity,” he says.
“Most of us guess as to what we think the other person is going to do or more frequently, ‘This is what I would do’.
“When we let go of our ego and bias, then we truly see the world from the other person’s perspective. We can start understanding
the actions of others and even start predicting them when we truly focus with what I call ‘nonjudgmental curiosity’. “This ability to predict the actions of others is applicable whether you are assessing family, friends, co-workers, leaders of nations, or even countries themselves.”
HOW TO PREDICT BEHAVIOUR
Whether recruiting spies or attempting to have a conversation with your kids, each situation requires a healthy connection based upon trust, explains Dreeke.
“Humans seek to be valued and understood to build that bridge. Making the other person the focus of our language is the key. With the appropriate phraseology we can ‘make it all about them’ and provide them with the psychological comfort we all seek.”
Include at least one of these four pillars of communication to ensure that the focus is on the other person and not yourself:
1 Seek THEIR thoughts and opinions instead of sharing yours.
2 Speak in terms of THEIR priorities, challenges, and “pain points”, instead of yours.
3 Validate THEM without judging them with “non-judgmental curiosity”.
4 Empower THEM with choices.
Dreeke says ensuring the focus is on the other person is the first step and next we need to be able to predict the strength of the relationship to manage our expectations.
Have a virtual morning cuppa with Robin Dreeke on Tuesday, May 17 at 8.30am (AEST) where he will expand on how to forge trust in your relationships. Book a virtual seat at cuppa.tv/morning-cuppa