How to navigate Mother’s Day when you’re grieving
A funeral celebrant weighs in on approaching any special event with compassion
We often associate a holiday, seasonal event or hallmark occasion, such as Mother’s Day, as a time of celebration, love and joy. And whether we’re heading to the supermarket, scrolling through social media or bumping into friends at the coffee shop, it’s hard to avoid being reminded of these dates on the calendar.
However, what is largely unspoken or misrepresented is the number of people who find these occasions to be confronting and triggering, especially for those who have experienced loss or who are grieving.
For some, this might be a first Mother’s Day without that special person.
There may be a sense of feeling the need (or feeling pressured) to keep traditions alive or expectations to feel and act a certain way.
Whether you’re finding seasonal reminders difficult, or you’re worried about how others may be coping with loss, it is important to acknowledge that it is incredibly valid and normal to be feeling a mixture of emotions.
As an experienced funeral celebrant and co-founder of Tomorrow Funerals, I understand that there are many unique ways that people approach matters of grief and loss. I also believe that being as prepared as possible, and removing the “unknowns” can be a helpful way to approach hallmark events.
With this in mind, here are a few things to consider when navigating Mother’s Day while you are grieving:
ACCEPT HELP AND CREATE A SUPPORT NETWORK
It might surprise you to know there are not necessarily stages of grief, rather it ebbs and flows.
We often receive the most help and support at the time of someone’s passing, yet it can be months or even years later when we really need added support. Most people can’t mourn the loss of someone they love completely on their own, so if you are feeling vulnerable, lonely or overwhelmed during this time, it is important to reach out and ask for help.
Creating a support network (or person), who can be present with you, can be important while grieving.
LEAN INTO TRADITIONS OR MAKE NEW ONES
Some people find comfort in celebrating their person by carrying on their favourite traditions – this might include cooking their favourite foods, booking a trip or picnic to a spot they loved, or even setting a place for them at the table. Leaning into tradition may help you feel closer to your loved one, reminding you of times spent together.
Inviting others to join in so you can support one another often creates a comforting sense of solidarity. Others may decide to change their long-held traditions after a loss. A change of scene and break from tradition can provide a different kind of comfort.
It’s not necessarily about escaping the sadness but finding the space to grieve on your own terms, without having to worry about any pressure from others.
SET BOUNDARIES AND COMMUNICATE YOUR NEEDS
You may find the “noise” of such events as Mother’s Day overwhelming. Fortunately, many businesses now offer the option of opting out of Mother’s Day communications, such as newsletters and promotional emails for those who do not wish to receive them.
Make sure to also get clear on your boundaries and understand what things may not be serving you during your time of grief. Your closest friends and family probably want to help but may not know what you need. Do you need a break? Or a hug? A good cry? Try to be open with your thoughts. This will help them understand how they can best help you.
FIND JOY
Even when grieving, there’s joy – this could be in the foods we eat, a warm embrace, or even hearing a certain song. Yes, we can hold more than one emotion at a time and it’s OK to embrace the joy.
Each person will have their own experiences when it comes to grief and loss – it is important to acknowledge and validate your feelings, understand what your needs are and surround yourself with the right support network to help you during this time.