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Rea­son­able doubt

A de­fen­dant was on trial for mur­der. There was strong ev­i­dence in­di­cat­ing guilt, but there was no corpse.

In the de­fense’s clos­ing state­ment the lawyer, know­ing that his client would prob­a­bly be con­victed, re­sorted to a trick. “Ladies and gen­tle­men of the jury, I have a sur­prise for you all,” the lawyer said as he looked at his watch.

“Within one minute, the per­son pre­sumed dead in this case will walk into this court­room.” He looked to­ward the court­room door.

The ju­rors, some­what stunned, all looked on ea­gerly. A minute passed. Noth­ing hap­pened.

Fi­nally the lawyer said, “Ac­tu­ally, I made up the pre­vi­ous state­ment. But you all looked on with an­tic­i­pa­tion. I there­fore put to you that you have a rea­son­able doubt in this case as to whether any­one was killed and in­sist that you re­turn a ver­dict of not guilty.”

The jury, clearly con­fused, re­tired to de­lib­er­ate. A few min­utes later, the jury re­turned and pro­nounced a ver­dict of guilty.

“But how?” in­quired the lawyer. “You must have had some doubt, I saw all of you stare at the door.”

The jury fore­man replied, “Oh, we did look, but your client didn’t.”

Cor­po­rate joke

At a meet­ing, the cor­po­rate man­ager told a joke.

Ev­ery­one on the team laughed ex­cept one guy.

The man­ager asked him, “Didn’t you un­der­stand my joke?”

The guy replied, “Oh I un­der­stood it, but I re­signed yes­ter­day.”

One way to kill a fly

MY three-year-old daugh­ter stuck out her hand and said, “Look at the fly I killed, Mummy.”

Since she was eat­ing a juicy pickle at the time, I thrust her con­tam­i­nated hands un­der the faucet and washed them with an­tibac­te­rial soap.

Af­ter sit­ting her down to fin­ish her pickle, I asked, with a touch of awe, “How did you kill that fly all by your­self?”

Between bites, she said, “I hit it with my pickle.”

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