The Courier-Mail

WORDS OF PAIN GIVE MEASURE OF HOPE

LOSING HUSBAND ROBIN BAILEY OPENS UP ON GRIEF AT

- KATE KYRIACOU NOW, 12 MONTHS ON, I KNOW THERE ARE NO ANSWERS

“OK, breathe,” Robin Bailey began, and broke down at the first word.

In front of her were 1000 words of pain and hope. Of anger and regret. Her most personal feelings, to share with the world in a voice that struggled and failed before charging on.

It was an important day, the 97.3 FM radio host explained. It had been a year since her world ruptured. The day, she said, her husband of 15 years took his life.

“I have spent so many hours thinking about this day, 12 months ago,” a tearful Bailey said on air yesterday.

“Could I have stopped it? What was different about the day? Were there signs to predict what lay ahead and why … why would he do this to us, to me, his friends and family, but mostly the kids. Now, 12 months on, I know there are no answers.”

She grasped at tissues, wiping her eyes, the cord attached to her headphones shaking with her body as she struggled to read her message of thanks and reflection.

“This has changed all of us forever and damaged the three people Tony said he loved the most,” Bailey said.

“His choices have handed his children a life sentence that they will feel the consequenc­es of their whole lives. It is defining their adolescenc­e and will shape their partner choice and how they parent their own children.

“As you can hear, I’m angry … angry at Tony for not realising the consequenc­es of his actions because we will for a long time to come.”

Bailey said she did not want to become the “poster girl” for depression but she hoped her role as a media identity would help to start conversati­ons.

She thanked the people who had helped her along the way.

“It’s hard, really, really hard to watch my children grapple with desperatel­y missing their dad while blaming themselves for his decision,” she said.

“In some ways, it is harder now than it was when he first died as the practical stuff is resolved.

“It’s the emotional tsunami that just keeps coming and I cannot fill the void that is left and that eats me up as a mum, as I am supposed to be the one that can make it all better, and I just can’t. Honestly, it’s tough keeping my weapons up as I fight and I fight to protect my kids and find happiness.

“Plus I am lonely … at its most basic level I miss being held and sharing my day with an adult I love.”

Bailey also spoke of the different stages of grief, including the stage that she hoped she would reach someday soon: acceptance and hope.

“As a family we are not there but I can see the light and know that my boys and I are walking towards it.” IF YOU OR ANYONE YOU KNOW HAS DEPRESSION CONTACT LIFELINE ON 13 11 14 OR VIA THE WEBSITE

 ??  ?? LAID BARE: Robin Bailey and (inset) the announcer cannot contain her tears.
LAID BARE: Robin Bailey and (inset) the announcer cannot contain her tears.

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