The Courier-Mail

JONATHAN CAINER

Dear Jonathan, I caught wind of some kind of war taking place in the United States. Can you tell me anything about this? Jacqui ... Dear Jacqui, Where were you when you “caught wind” of this? Somewhere on the internet, by any chance? There’s definitely a

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ARIES MAR 21–APR 20

None of us like to feel confused. We gain reassuranc­e from feeling that we understand what’s going on around us and what part we are expected to play in any unfolding drama. Even if we don’t much care for our situation or for the position that it puts us in, we are still comforted, to some extent, by our own ability to comprehend. We like this so much that sometimes we kid ourselves into thinking that we have greater insight than we actually do. But today, at least, you can trust what you think you know. You do know it! Insights are available to you this week. Find out more. Call 1902 222 500.

TAURUS APR 21 – MAY 21

As regular readers know, we have recently been conducting a debate on whether or not everything is predestine­d. In case you have missed it, I should share with you the news that some people have found surprising. Despite my profession, I am unequivoca­lly on the side of choice and our power to dictate the course of our own destiny. And I mention all this to you today because so much now depends on how you respond to a challenge. If you believe that you can rise to it successful­ly, that is what you will do! Call me if you are looking to make some positive changes: 1902 222 500.

GEMINI MAY 22–JUN 22

No law demands that every home should have a TV. Yet rare are the folk who have no such device. In many a household, the great screen blares out show after show all day, every day. Those who prefer not to watch are seen, if not as outlaws, as pariahs. But even if we own one of these infernal things, we are under no obligation to consume the entirety of its output. We could say much the same about all the thoughts that bubble up in our brain. Don’t take an idea too seriously, today, just because you happen to have had it. Great news if you are looking for inspiratio­n and magic. Call 1902 222 500.

CANCER JUN 23–JUL 23

What kind of entreprene­ur enters the mirror manufactur­ing industry? Each day must be fraught with anxiety. Never mind the financial cost of an accident, if the great cosmic penalty for the breakage of a single looking glass is seven years bad luck, what if a delivery driver drops a box full? Or are all employees first scrutinise­d by the HR department to ensure that they are already under a strong spell of protection? Some situations really aren’t as problemati­c as we fear. You are making just such a discovery today. One quick call will cost less than coffee and a cake! Call 1902 222 500.

LEO JUL 24–AUG 23

Is life exciting enough for you? Or might it lately have become just a little too tense and dramatic? Have you started to steel yourself for more tension, turmoil and possible trauma? Are you starting to suspect that no matter what you do, you will never be free from some shadow of doom or despair? Well, you can snap out of that straight away! It is a daft idea and the sooner you leave it behind you, the happier you will be. Venus is changing direction in your sign now. After a period of reflection, comes a cause for celebratio­n. Don’t worry about the future. Call 1902 222 500.

VIRGO AUG 24–SEP 23

“All work and no play makes Jill a dull girl” and Jack a dull boy too. If dull were all that it made them, it might not be so bad. They could just keep on trundling up and down the hill, repeating errors whilst failing to learn from them. And those who sought more scintillat­ing conversati­on, could simply look elsewhere. But a lack of fun does not just depress a person’s ability to be socially attractive, it restricts their imaginatio­n too. And problem solving calls for creativity. That is why you should take frivolity seriously today! The future is waiting for you. Call 1902 222 500.

LIBRA SEP 24–OCT 23

If we are all born equal and thus, assuming that George Orwell’s amusing remark in Animal Farm is wrong, some of us are not “more equal than others”, how can any of us expect to get special help from the cosmos? If seven billion people are all calling the cosmic hotline at once, there must be one heck of a “call waiting” system! Or perhaps it doesn’t work that way. Maybe the universe prioritise­s you because it is not something separate that requires applicatio­n and supplicati­on. It is you. You are it. What else explains today’s magic? There are insights and revelation­s in store for you. Call 1902 222 500.

SCORPIO OCT 24–NOV 22

Who is in charge of you? Who calls the shots? Who plays the tune to which you dance? Who sets the standard that you strive to live up to? And what exactly lies behind your surprising­ly strong sense of social duty? Why do you comply with so many convention­s? Why do you respect so many rules? Whilst some of these must surely have been called into question by recent events, it is clear that you are now making a great contributi­on to a shared social situation where someone needs to set a noble example. You can work magic in your world this week. Find out how! 1902 222 500.

SAGITTARIU­S NOV 23–DEC 21

If you have backache, perhaps this is due to the weight of your wings. They may be invisible but they take you into angelic territory that is real enough, often enough, don’t they? A headache? Perhaps your halo is burning too brightly with the phosphores­cent glow, that only a true saint can sustain. Perhaps you aren’t so sure that you have such superhuman qualities? Ah, but strangely, it seems you do. And if you allow your heart to lead you, today, you will yet mange to work miracles of a kind. You can alter what you want and make it work for you. Call 1902 222 500.

CAPRICORN DEC 22–JAN 20

You are doing well. You look set soon to do even better. But perhaps you don’t see it this way. You may be aware of what is wrong, conscious only of what you lack and of some strange, unnerving fear that perhaps you will never be able to fix what is wrong. But that is a psychologi­cal challenge to rise to and it in no way reflects the reality of your physical situation. You have already come a long way in the right direction. Today’s events will take you even further as long as you remain both brave and hopeful. There is magic in the stars for you this week. Call me! 1902 222 500.

AQUARIUS JAN 21–FEB 19

Unless you happen to be a tree specialist, one oak probably looks much like another. And if presented with two birds of similar size, hue and plumage, only an ornitholog­ist may be able to discern a difference. Quite probably, if you happen to be an alien from Mars or a being from beyond Alpha Centauri, all humans might look much the same to you too. Details that seem all but irrelevant to one person, can be crucial to another. Whilst some may wonder what all the fuss is about, where it really counts, today, the right boxes will be ticked. If you need some inspiratio­n call 1902 222 500.

PISCES FEB 20–MAR 20

The current “health and safety” culture, is not as new as some might think. The great comedic king of the silent movie era was Harold Lloyd, back in the 1920s. He ribbed the world for being risk averse in a classic film called Safety Last. Now I’m not, for one moment, suggesting that you can take a cavalier approach to a possible, physical, danger today. But I must draw your attention to the extreme over-caution with which a particular propositio­n is now being viewed. Less can go wrong than you fear. The planets say that wonderful changes are possible. Call 1902 222 500.

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